cul's comfy corner

this was a comfortable little spot in the sun, wasn't it?

*basks*

i miss this place, i feel a return is imminent. 

how be you all?  *hugs*

saturday, the cats woke me up at 10 [grrr] but i fed them and went back to bed until 3pm. that's when i woke up feeling...good.

it's been such a long time since i've been able to smile and think everything's cool. it's taken a long time to sink in, i guess. my mom is my mom and no amount of operations or therapy is going to fix her so i'll just deal with her as and when stuff arrives. dad is cool. he's recovering well and is elated that the cancer is gone. that's a huge weight off my mind, i can tell you.

still, i feel happy.

my sisters are lovely and though they've both got some difficult stuff going on right now, i know we can work together to solve the problems presented because that's what we do. we put our heads together and sort stuff out, it's what we do.

i've been up north and taken my mom out for the day. we spent loads of money buying nothing in particular but having a great time, laughing and joking like we used to. after a looooong journey yesterday, i've got dad down to mine for a week to let him relax away from that strain of taking care of my mom. i can see it in his face already, he's chilling out and calming down.

still smiling...

it's the little things that are making me smile. seeing the warm orange glow of the sky last night made me smile. hearing my mom laugh like a small child when i rode off on a toy horse at the boot fair raised a giggle. even hearing my dad snore gently in the next room is comforting. he's still here and he's my rock. today i went to find out about my holiday to tasmania for next year. i haven't booked it yet, but getting all of the details has got me dreaming and smiling...

and so, i say to you "what made you smile today?"

when my 4 year old nephew was last here, he took great pride in telling me how much he really loved me by sitting on my lap, holding on to my ears whilst fixing me with very serious and sweet expression.  i asked why and he said it was because he loved 'antandec' (the collective name he used for both of my cats).

so when i saw him a few weeks ago, i leaned over with a big smile and asked him if he still loved me.  'no' he said in a grumpy voice and ran out to play with his friends.  wha?  i follwed him out and told him that i still loved him but he wouldn't relent.  then i pulled out my secret auntie card:

'well if you don't love me any more then you can't come to my house and see ant and dec'

hmmm

'ok then, i love you' he said in a non-committal way.  funny how quickly small children learn to say something just to shut the adults up =D 

i hadn't spoken to him since then but as i chatted with my sister on the phone today, my nephew asked if he could talk to me.  this was going to be interesting...

'can i come and stay at your house soon?  and if the cats are scared, i won't run after them but if i sit down then they will come and lie on me and they will love me too, won't they?'

'yes jack, they will love you.  i love you too'

'i love you ten, auntie tacy'

*melts* 

i can't wait for christmas! 

i'm in a very odd mood this evening.  i can't quite explain it, but i'm feeling odd*

i guess it's relief mixed with a little disbelief that my life can get back to being mine again.  it's left me feeling out of sorts, not quite sure of what to do this evening but knowing that i'm not quite ready to leap back into work.  mom's ok, she's making a good recovery from her strokes and her newly-discovered shingles.  dad's got the all clear.  my divorce is coming along nicely.  things are on the up.

watching tv this evening for an hour left me shedding a tear or two - damn my fragile emotions. 

after seeing dirty dancing last weekend with my sisters i find myself humming/singing solomon burke's "cry to me" over and over.  the piscean in me is imagining myself in that song as i sing the lyrics.  i promise that there's only a tiny bit of me that imagines a young patrick swayze is with me...

 am i the only one who still listens to lyrics and finds they mean something or am i desperately clinging to my teenage years when that was acceptable?

* ok, more odd than usual 

he got the all clear!  i can't believe it!  i don't know whether to laugh or cry so i'm doing a mixture of both.

my poor sister cried down the phone to me this morning "why won't god give us a break?"

it seems he was listening.