my-world-beyond

did my second count on the bills

turns out the bill was quite off the amounts the fucker said

only buy 60 queens heads each

i knew it was way to big

any hoo i don't think he ment to miss count

he seamed as relived as i was to find out

still i would'nt trust him in a live fire situation

but paint ball would be a different matter

any way heres some shit i typed while drunk a few days back

would have posted it then but the platform 27 was playing up

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just stayed up to silly o'clock watching the lost boys

last time i watched that film i was sat next to steph on her bed

she was sleeping i was crying

i could have talked to her at any moment i wanted but i could'nt

i did'nt know how to talk to her

i did'nt know what to say

i was scared to try

i just sat there

i think i know why



i won't bore you all to much

but i came to realize that me and her were a joke only i took serously

i was a one night stand and i could'nt take it

thats why i could'nt fuck her back then and thats why i could barly look at her over new years

thats why she ignored me

i ignored her

her silence to this day is only mached to my own when i was sat in the next room to her or right next to her



i could tick over what if's

or i could get some sand and face it



it all happend because i let it get that far

i could try hating her but she probably found me charming for one night and took pity on me for the rest

it ain't her fault she found me to pathetic to put down



no more

time to become a vertabret

stop posting shit like this to inspire pity from random internet people

time to get something out of the world

there is no fate but what we make

---------------------------------------------

i'd still jump at the chance to see her again

this time i'll have the words

if i don't then i got nothing to loose if i ad-lib

that is if i ever see her again

but i'm not waiting

i bet she ain't

fact

men bitch too

lets start with a begining

my bank card was witheld by the hole in the wall due to it being exspired

the bank did'nt tell me

i have money but i can't get to it with out going into the bank

no biggy really but it pissed me off pretty hard core over the fucking bank holiday

the fucker has no money and today used money given to him for a bill by will to go out and get pissed (i am yet to pay due to fore mentioned bank issues)

bill money he's been quite pushy in chasing everyone up for  

it's not your money it's the gas company's money 

think i'll hold onto my quater till i sort out the bank and write him a cheque, no cash

plus i don't entirly trust his count on the bill

me tinks he may be trying to basicly steal from us but i'll make my own count in the morn

and pissed he did get but at least he did'nt bring home some chavs who rinsed him for free shit or come home all angsty over a chick or sick on the pavement outside our front door 

he did spill beer down himself (which i thought was pretty funny)

also he made a very clumsy drunk advance on this emma girl (which was gold)

she's just got back from america due to a year long exchange thingy

kinda cool really

any hoo she's camping out at kirsty and jens as they have spare roomage and she is with out roomage due to the amerika thang

so she has become a regular thing round our house as kirsty is basicly going out with olly (even tho he and his long time girlfriend are still together to my knoledge) and jen is having an off or on or on or off or on thing with will and every body else still treats our house as a squat they can turn up to and drink at so i'm starting to get sick of opening the door to people knowing they will leave their emptys on the floor or the table for me to pick up as i know no one else will

does that make me whinnny little bitch or should i set out easy to reach bins in the living room

i see storm clouds on the horizon in the home front

or more i see people around me running at doors that they think will be open but might turn out to be doors painted on brick walls

makes me smile i gave up on that shit some time back

tho i may chance my dice with emma, shes pretty cool, i like her and the fact she's a hot emo chick may have something to do with it (i guess i just have a thing for lip piercings and red and black poka dot 1960's dresses)

it makes me not smile as i'm paying a lot of attension to the relationships of those around me and i've been pretty good at guessing the next plot twist so far 

annoys me that i see it coming before i think they do but i have no idea how to advise or if i should advise

any way now he's shouting at americans over xbox live as they keep on killing him 

mainly due to that fact he's pissed and i'm running my downloading software to rinse the internet to get him to go to bed

i've asked him to keep it down twice already and now he's telling some hick how he's as english as english gets coz he's a celt

fucking basterd retard arse hole

id rather have the hick speak for my country than him

id rather he died for real and stopped respawning personally but thats just me and i'm stone sober and pissed off

mark from over the road has been pretty cool lately 

if it wernt for chilling with him watching a few films or getting catatonically stoned at least once a week i'd have ripped of the celtic fuckers head already and made a tastful water feature out of his cadaver and a few other house hold items

having bought some razor blads and not being able to find them i now have a shitty beard on my face 

found the blades yesterday but i'm starting to like the beard and it suits me apparently too so i'll run with it for a while

i'll leave it there for the moment

bye  n  bye 

tas been a year scince i met her

exactly a year as of thursday

why do i know that ??

why did i bother to remember the date

it marks the start of the my fall

the start of the lie i knew to be false but clung to it as truth

blah blah blah depressing bullshit, fine day tho

kirsty brought round these diarys last night that some one had found in their attic

every one was reading them a pissing them selves

i just thought

its just really really creepy

there is a lot of personal thoughts in there why would you leave them behind to be found

any hoo

it's starwars day

may the 4th be with you

to celibrate starwars day i'm going to be

playing battle front 2

watching episode V

haveing a light saber fight

playing episode 1 racer on my laptop via emulator

rocking out to impiral march by metallica

but most of all i'll be trying to forget that on this day 1 year ago i slept with her and she said some really nice things to me and i said a few back and belived her

none of this flows but fuck it

i ain't trying to win the booker prise

(but i think she's won the hooker prise fucking bitch)

polite round up of thoughts and feelings 

whitty joke 

optamistic conclusion  

fond farewell