my-world-beyond

in the past i've read a lot about dyslexia

i took the time to understand why i'm the way i am

i've read confusing papers i could not understand

i've read papers that try to prove dyslexia is not real  

of all the reading i think this one puts forward the best view of what it's like to be dyslexic and in mainstream education 

here it is

i'm glad that there is more understanding these days but it's worth nothing if the teacher is to bissy jumping through govenment hoops to do their job 

i was mostly missunderstood in primery school, they all thought i was thick and not worth the time

i was a little shit though, i hated school and would try a lot to get out of doing the work  

i forget how many times i cryed in class because i didnt understand the task and everybody else did

i hated asking for help as i was usally the only one who needed it

it makes you feel like a fucking idiot

people picked up on this 

The bullying was pretty bad but nothing compared to secondary school

i was'nt even a zebra 

i was the air

every body could rip a hole in me 

all that shit made me the fucked up wirdo here today

the strange thing is i'd have it no other way

this is not a real declcearation of war

i command no grand army, i hold no sway in world polotics or in the UN, the only war i wage is on computer games like command and conquer and warhammer 40k: dawn of war/winter assult/dark crusade (and on the off chance starwars theamed risk)

this is mearly a rant fuled by hate and the desire to invade and lift the burden of all life from a place, country, company, socil and/or ethnic group

you know those web sites that search other sites for cheap flights in cattle class

they lie

a flight costing £89 can turn to £237 at the click of a mouse

more often than any thing you find your self being redirected to a site you've all ready been to

some times it's only a domain name that redirects you right away

others let you type in the airports you wish to use as well as the dates you wish to arrive and depart

then send you to a site youve been to

when that happends 3 times in a row you get pissed  

when it tells you that the reason the price has doubled is that the offer has ended  

the fact that it offerd me a flight on an exspired offer to suck me in to see the ads on their site for a few seconds

its plain under handed and for wasting my time they should be subjected to a brutal occupation by on opressive force of under payed overly agressive mercs from broken homes

i'm thinking of scraping the with steph for new years idea and just visiting her for a week in the middle of january before i have to be back in derby

would work out about £88 total but

i'd rather spend new years with her than in london

i know people in london but they don't know me any more and to be honest i'm not looking forward to seeing my family either 

well just my mum really and mainly the having to live her as the uni dropout loser

can't help the feeling i'm about to ruin christmass 

there are a few things that may be changing and a few i know will change

i will be droping out of uni - it was stupid to think i could do a degree, i only just scraped through a levels

i'm not an academic, i was all ways destin to be a labourer. like uncle tony who is all so dyslexic i'm bound to be one of those low paid workers

might end up picking up your bins or cleaning the hospital ward your in or picking up the leaves out side your house

i might be visiting steph for new years - i will be with her as soon as i can be with her

i miss her and i can go as far as to say that i love her. i miss the way she laugths i miss holding her in my arms i miss looking into her eyes i miss kissing her i miss that feeling i get when i'm around her like that song that says your indestructible

so i guess i miss her preeeety bad

on the subject of girlfriends matthew my brother used the marrage word when talking about sash

it's pretty cool to think my brother might be getting marryed

it's pretty scary to think my brother might be getting marryed it was'nt that long ago we were sharing colouring books

other events

i'm on the verge of loosing it with one of my house mates

i'm not a clean freak but i dont leave bowls to rot in the kitchen or leave them in the living room

ok he does have the smallest room but that don't mean my room and the living room are over flow storage

he bit my head off for moving a box or crap from the living room which i ain't seen him use or move to the basement

his reason - he don't want to have to go down there to get his stuff

unfortunetly he's one of those people who keeps on argueing his point untill you give up and let him win

even if you proove him wrong beyond dout

plus i've caught him of several occasions of telling me i'm wrong and then repeating what i just said

i've been thinking of giving him a week to get his shit together or i will put it all in the basement

for christs sake there is a laundry baseket full of his dirty boxers thats been in the living room for about two months

as bad as this sounds i will be talking to the others and forming a 'peoples front of wolfa street' against him

whats more funny is how he bitches about how he can't get a girl when he smells of what can only be described as 'him'

the same smell fills his room as a pile of unwashed clothes has replaced the floor in his room

i think i'll lose contact with him when i leave but not before i take back my fucking phone which was lent to him last year for ' a few weeks until mine is fixed' and get my 310 quid out of him for download

i take great pleasure in assinating him on halo 2 or killing his sprite on any game

i think i've bitched enougth for now

things with steph are pretty much back to where things were before

can't belive how quickly i went into arsehole mode

it seems so stupid now

seems i've found a new thing about my self i don't like

still

i miss her

seems so small but it pains me

so small

in other events

went to a inter uni archer comp, scored a 521 portsmouth which is pretty good as the max score is 600

to get that it means putting 60 arrows in to the space the size of a tennis ball cut in half at 20 yards

the score for 3rd was 530 somthing and i know i can get my game that good a maybe a bit better