my-world-beyond

archery was good

even though i hav'nt  shot in ages i broke my personal best for a portsmouth by about 30 points

my arm was in a state of spasam when i tryed to use it the next day but still

least i still got the skills  

steph has not replyed to my e-mail sent a few days back

i keep on checking my sent messages folder to see if it was sent or not

i knew that the first time i checked the day after i sent it but i still check it twice daily

i think its over

i think its over and she is just not accepting any coms from me  

being left like this is out in the cold is fucking harsh but i still like her

i still like her and i don't know what to do

send another e-mail and

 confront her - nicly

 confront her - nasty

leave it be and forget her  

hand write her a letter asking whats happening  

she says she has lost her phone but i'm starting to not belive her

i'm starting to feel like every thing that went on between us was a charade put together by her 

i think i might start hateing her

i think i'll just read her letters and go to bed with my house of cards intact 

my lie world with out my fears is better  

it's a place where i can't think as all the questions have no answers and i don't want know them

her letters

her ear ring

my shield to stop the real world from getting in my head space 

her neat writing i stack to make my walls  

the earing, my only physical item of her i hold

things are so much better if it's what you want to hear 

why is the world out to try and fuck me

seems every body is out to gain off your back

i think i know why people form milita groups and terrorist cells

got a bill for 150 sqid owed by the guys before us

as the letting agent did'nt pass on details we have to tell them to do it for us

but they should have done it already

any way i need to get more commited to my archery

ain't been down the field in ages and plus the archery socity is my major real friendship group outside of my flatmates and peeps from back home

and it is my sport hobby of choice

things are better now

i've thought things through

i'm droping out of uni and plying some hard craft

things will get worse before they get better but still thats were the hard craft comes in

me and steph are in a kind of limbo

i'm noy sure whats up or down only that we seam to be a minniamal contact thing right now

now the internet is working i can e-mail her and thats free

brother mat is comeing up to watch the rugby tomorrow 

thing he's either worried about me or has been sent on a mission to find out what is happening by the parents

either way all i want to do is get a job and be away with this shit

hope it works out better that the worse it could