my-world-beyond

it seams could be very preceptive

me and Stephanie are currently on hold

i'm not to sure what that means but i rekon it's along the lines of being put i the fridge till later

all i do know is that i would like my guts put back in and i'm suprised i cast a shadow because i feel so empty

the funny thing is i know that this is for the best and that just makes it all feel that much more painful

i held my spare pillow last night like a teddy bear and cryed

i cryed because i could'nt stop thinking about her

could'nt stop thining about all the things i could have done to stop this from happening

but it's for the best

i think

i hope

i'll leave on this note

if i was tallented i could write song like this

alas i'm not so i'll use another mans words

Before the dawn, I hear you whisper
In your sleep "Don't let the morning take him"
Outside the birds begin to call
As if to summon up my leaving

It's been a lifetime since I found someone
Since I found someone who would stay
I've waited too long, and now you're leaving
Oh please don't take it all away

It's been a lifetime since I found someone
Since I found someone who would stay
I've waited too long, and now you're leaving
Oh please don't take it all away

Before the dawn, I hear you whisper
In your sleep "Don't let the morning take him"

judas priest - before the dawn

this may be the start of a long session of typeing but my fingers feel up to it

here is what is scarying me right now

i think that stephaine is going to brake up with me very soon

all of the evidence i have is facebook and email based but these are the ways i have to comunicate to her

firstly

she says that her phone is not working so the long but really good phone calls have ended

in many wall posts on her facebook there are many mentions of her phoning peeple and peeple phoneing her

also she has'nt replyed any of my texts scince early august 

secondly

the last time i posted on her wall she deleted it

she did then send me a message and we messaged back and forth for a while in the privercy of our inboxes but still she deleted my wall post  

there i also the photos of her and other bloks that commonly feature as her profile picture and cause a lump in my throat but i think thats just a mixture of jelosy as i havnt phisicly touched her scince friday the 4th of May and plain thugish 'get your hands off my girlfriend' thoughts

guess i should feel better that i've unloaded my fears onto something but i don't

instead i'm just staring at a consice and correct list of my feelings and ...

just got a text from her saying that phone is saying she can text again

have i just been getting paranoid over nothing

i'll go get some sleep

well back in derby

am in private accommadation

the house was warmed with a living room olympics in which dispite my retitreing early i came 3rd

not to sure what else i can say apart that i'll be all on my lonelys for a week so i've made some finger puppets to be my friends for the time being to stop me from going crazy (talking to finger puppets may be seen as crazy but i think that going a little crazy for a time will stop me from going full blown crazy later on)

ethier that or i go and complete the rest of soul caliber or try and do halo2 on ledgenry

maybe a new computer game will cheer me up

a tony hawks me thinks

changes---

the thirsty shcolar is now called the mile

the union blue pub has changed hands and is now non-student friendly which is a piss take as it's sandwiched in between 4 of the 5 first year halls

stabbers ally has had a trim so it is not really that scary any more

the learning center has got new chairs (think they have lumbar support)

 keddies (the shop inside kedleston rd campus) has been sprused up

the old graphittied bus time tables have been changed for nice new ones

i now know my way around derby pretty well

thats all i've noticed so far but give me a bit and i'm sure i'll bore you with some thing else

Stephanie will not be vistiting this september due to work so i'm going to visit her some time in december if money and uni allow (if they dont fuck em i'll go any way)