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Love and Marriage

I have certain issues with religion as some of you may well be aware.

One of my issues is to do with marriage.  It is quite possible that my views may be tainted slightly by the extremely messy divorce that my parents went through when I was a teenager and by the relatively successful unmarried relationship I have with the stunningly gorgeous and ever so energetic Hildy.  I also tend to read a great deal and am particularly enamoured with literature of the 18th and 19th centuries.  These may seem unrelated but they really aren't.

Prior to the 18th century women were seen as little more than property and men could attract a handsome dowry to go with their new wife.  Families were literally paying to get rid of women.  Why was this the case?  I strongly suspect that it all comes down to women not being seen as equal to men.  Organised religion has seen to it that women were "put in their place" and centuries of this doctrine has successfully reinforced the stereotype of the helpless woman who needs a man to look after her.  The 18th to the 20th centuries saw a lessening of these traditions with the various successes of the suffrage movements particularly women's suffrage early in the last century.  Yet, even today, a woman cannot command an equal place in society as a man.  I'm saying this not to be sexist but as a supportable fact because women earn considerably less on average than men.  There is no good reason for this and yet it continues.

Until very recently marriage was still seen as the best way to secure a future if you were a woman.  Divorce was prohibitively expensive until late in the last century so marriage really was a lifelong commitment.  However the institution of marriage left many groups of people excluded until very recently. I'm talking about gay and lesbians who, in the main, just want to be treated like the rest of the country.  In addition marriage tends to tie groups of similar people together whether they be white middle class Christians, black working class Muslims.  Social cohesion also leads to exclusion of individuals who do not conform to the expected norms in the group.  A black muslim living in middle Christian England will experience a sense of seperation as an outsider.  True integration comes when social groups are loosely structured and not tightly bound by a single theme like religion.

To me marriage is a religious ceremony whose contract is enforced in law.  Think about that for a second.  How strange is it that a  religious ceremony should be legally enforceable?  If you were baptised and decided to change religion would you expect the police to knock on your door or for your church to take you to court and demand compensation?  A couple who wish to announce to their community that they want to stay together and make a commitment to each other not to take other lovers and to generally treat each other well should not be tied to this if their circumstances or opinions alter at a later date.  Forcing a couple to remain together if they aren't happy should not be the place of the law and the courts.

Children (as they are prone to do) complicate this issue greatly.  I think that a child is happier and better equipped to cope with the trials and tribulations of society if they are raised by two parents and an extended family who offers a support network.  There are many people, mainly women, who do an excellent job of raising children alone but my opinion is that the best environment is one with two parents.  Note that this has nothing to do with marriage and that people can make a commitment to bring children up together without the religious ceremony that is expected.

I'm not really sure what prompted this particular rant but I hope you enjoyed it and will comment.  This is mainly because I crave the attention but also because I want to know what your opinion is.

According to Number 10 the Big Issues of the day are:

• Health
• Energy
• Africa
• Respect
• Pensions
• Education

Other Big Issues are:

• Climate Change
• International i.e Foreign Policy
• Queen's Speech
• Northern Ireland
• Welfare 

Without looking can anyone guess what the government and opposition policies are for these topics?  Does anyone think that they differ?

Current mood: Sceptical


Shitty Christmas

The Hildy has just got home from a busy day in educational welfare.  She's upstairs ringing Social Services to report one of her clients for repeatedly kicking her child.

Apparently they won't do anything until it gets "more serious".

These are the same people who don't send their kids to school because it is too difficult to get up in the morning.  The same people who don't bother to attend court ordered parenting classes.  People who's children have an 8% school attendance rate, less that two days a month.  People who have never worked and probably will never work.

Sometimes I really hate people.

Not because some of them are scum but because there are people like The Hildy who care and try to help who keep getting it thrown back in their faces.

Current mood: Angry


War Pigs

Thanks to cha0tic

Which is better?

The Black Sabbath version

Ozzy's version

Faith No More's version

The Dresden Dolls version

Place your votes now please.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Sad news (very long)

In lieu of my usual but somewhat sporadic Thursday Thirteen I'm going to tell you a sad story.

About seven years ago I moved into a house with The Hildy and my four kids.  Our next door neighbour on one side was Jan and her soon to be wayward teenage daughter Briony.  On the other side was an elderly couple, Jack and Betty.  jack and Betty were in their late 60s.  He had retired a few years before and she had been a housewife and homemaker.  They were settling in to retirement as I imagine most people do.  He would do jobs around the house and she would potter about in the garden.  Both of them spent a lot of time out and about doing whatever it is that retired people do to fill their time.

They were quite tolerant of me and mine and the noise four primary school kids can make and always had a kind word to say when we bumped into them.  Betty even offered to baby sit so The Hildy and I could go out once in a while.  An offer that we never took up mainly because I am paranoid and we hadn't known them for at least thirty years, hadn't run a police check on them and hadn't subjected them to eight hours of questioning under torture.  They were a kind and active couple with a score or more years ahead of them.

About five years ago Jack and Betty were returning from a shopping trip when Jack slipped up and fell over.  He bumped his head and was knocked out.  Betty phoned an ambulance. 

Now I should explain that we live near a school, not far from a town centre but there is only one road to our street and it is extremely difficult to find your way around because of the strange numbering system the houses have.  Odd numbers are at one end of the square and even numbers are at the other end.  Also the road looks like it comes off a roundabout on a map but it really doesn't.  This is all OK because only people who live there ever need to get there and we don't mind the quiet and lack of traffic.  Not one bit.

So Betty phoned the ambulance.

Now I should also explain that recent cuts by the local council at the time meant that local ambulance services were moved to Cosham, 10 miles away.  This meant that the ambulance had to zoom along the motorway, find it's way into town, find our square, and then find Betty's house.  Her house happened to be out of the way of a road to make matters worse.

45 minutes later the ambulance collected Jack and took him to Emergency.  Sadly lying on cold tarmac with a head injury isn't conducive to good health and he had suffered some problems with his lungs and some brain damage. 

Jack returned home some months later as a shadow of his former self.  He suffered from memory problems and reduced mobility. Betty had to care for him all by herself as her two children lived hundreds of miles away.  Social services interfered and tried to get him put in a home but what Betty really wanted was some help around the house.  Unfortunately this was not the cheapest option and besides which neighbours (that would be The Hildy and I) were helping out with shopping and such.  If any of you have young children you'll appreciate exactly how much help we actually were (or weren't) especially when you consider that I typically leave for work at 7:15 and don't get home for 12 hours.

Betty managed reasonably well all things considered but her health deteriorated as she was run ragged making sure Jack didn't wander off in the middle of the night (as he did on a couple of occasions) or decide he was going to cook for himself and set the house on fire (which only happened once).  After a few years Betty had a mild heart attack and Jack got suffered a big one and had to go to hospital.

He caught one of those bugs that seem so popular in hospitals these days, caught pneumonia, got a blood clot, had a stroke and went into a coma.  He died a few weeks later.

Betty never really recovered.  She went from an energetic sixty something to a vague and unhealthy seventy something who would forget your name in mid sentence.  I think it was the stress of her husband's illness and death that caused her ill health but I'm not a doctor.  Again social services were no help for this frail, old lady who wanted to keep some measure of her independence.

Apparently independence is too expensive.

Instead Betty moved out of her little house in the middle of the community that she had lived in for thirty years to stay with her daughter, Di, in London.  She owns a restaurant with her husband and they are very busy but didn't want to leave her on her own.

Di told us yesterday that Betty has died.  Her funeral is on Wednesday.

Is anyone else on the verge of tears?

Current mood: Sad and more than a little bit angry