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The Fabled Death List

My top ten people who I predicted to die last year on my 20six blog. 

1. Margaret Thatcher
2. Lulu
3. George Bush (Snr)
4. Elizabeth Taylor
5. Patrick Moore
6. Ronnie Biggs
7. Michael Foot
8. Ian Brady
9. Kirk Douglas
10. Norman Wisdom

I've only got another day to go and so far I'm zero for ten.  Looks like I need another ten names for next year.  I was so sure that Michel Foot was going this year as well.  He would've been ignored by the New Labour party but I would mourn his passing.  I reckon he's hanging on till after Thatcher goes.

Some links:

http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/

http://www.deathlist.net/

I'm thinking Nancy Reagan, Prince Phillip and Sylvester Stallone.  Trust me, if you've seen the new Rocky film you'll agree with me on that last one.

Currently playing: Wild is the Wind - David Bowie (on my new iPod)
Current mood: Meanie


Deathblog grudge match Round II

The first round is complete with the following sad no hopers placed as winners.  I find it hard to believe as well but popularity will tell in the end.

Paris Hilton
vs    ------------------------------- Paris Hilton
Pete Doherty

Britney Spears
vs   ------------------------------- Britney Spears
Nicole Richie

Jonas Armstrong
vs   ------------------------------- Jonas Armstrong
Chippy's arsehole landlord GBH

Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich
vs   ------------------------------- Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich
David Guest

Basic rules can be found here.

The next round of battle will therefore be between the following victims contestants:

Paris Hilton
vs   
Britney Spears

Jonas Armstrong
vs  
Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich

The first bout will be between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears as soon as I can set it up.

Current mood: Meanie


iPod

I got an iPod from Santa for Christmas.  OK, someone considerably thinner than Santa and much better looking in red.  The Hildy got me an iPod.

I've spent the last two days copying my music collection to the cursed thing and it's not even half full.

How can a wall full of CDs fit into something the same size as a bottle opener?  'taint natural!

The whole Christmas malarky has totally shagged me out.  I'm not looking forward to going back to work though.  I'd rather play with my new iPod.

Have I mentioned that I got a new iPod for Christmas?

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich vs David Guest

Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich

Over the last few centuries there has been a great deal of debate over what constitues the perfect sandwich.  There have been wars fought over slices of ham or how thick to cut the cheese,  Granary bread producers grew fat on their profits while Branston Pickle tree growers starved.

Farmers up and down the country milked cows and strained cheese just to get the right tang of the perfect cheese lest their evil overlords crush them underfoot.  Great factories arose across the nation to package the produce ofthe land so that it could be made into the perfect sandwich.

Arising from these generations of toil came the perfect sandwich.  Made by Mas in the late months of 2006 in an effort to end the ceaseless war his Cheese and Pickle creation now steps into the ring to do battle in the Platform 27 Deathblog Grudge Match

David Gest

Facing Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich in battle is another cheesy creation, "celebrity" twat David Gest. 

A former gurner Gest is reported to have undergone radical plastic surgery when a paparatzi apparently compared him to rubber faced actor Jack Klugman, star of TV's Quincy.  Now unable to blink Gest's reputation has soared in professional staring contest circles.

David Gest recently appeared on ITV1's I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here! According to either Ant or Dec (I'm not sure which is which) Gest was a perfect candidate for the show because of his "celebrity" status.  When quizzed further he (Ant or Dec) responded with his tradmark Geordie twank, "He's a reet twat, femous fir nowt". Althoguh Ant or Dec can speak proper English he often plays up his regional accent for theatrical effect.

Let the combat begin.  BRING IT ON!

 

Current mood: Meanie


Winter

Firstly this is very silly ==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfR2MUu1eG4

Secondly:

Thirteen Great Things About Winter

1. Cold.  I am too hot for most of the year but in the winter I can finally be comfortable.
2. Snow. The best kind of weather that there is.
3. Watching the sun rise as I walk to work.
4. Dragon's breath.  There's something about seeing your breath misting in the air that takes me back to those magical times I remember as a child.
5. Frost on the grass.  It just looks so clean.
6. Christmas.  In this country Christmas and all it's resulting chaos occurs in the winter.
7. Mulled wine.  I know, any excuse.
8. Real log fires.  Not in my current house unfortunately but a real fire is a great way to stay warm.
9. Snuggling.  Winter is a fantastic excuse to snuggle.
10. Ice.  Not that I'm mean or anything but I get a great deal of amusement out of watching people fall over.  Ice is great for slapstick falls.  Plus you can skate on it.
11. Food.  Winter is the best time of the year to over eat.  You need the extra fat as insulation and it provides plenty of energy.
12. Stinky cheese.  This is probably just me but I only really buy stinky cheese when it gets freezing cold in the winter.
13. Nuts.  The shelled variety.  I love eating them almost as much as cracking the shells.

In other news I went to my former next door neighbours funeral at lunchtime today.  Despite having no living relatives the crematorium was packed out.  It seems that the friendly old bloke from next door who grew his own veggies had spent the last several decades being a great help to people.  People appreciate this for some reason.  Food for thought, at least for me.  I may just put myself out a bit more for others next year.

I'm going to raise a glass to Reg on the way home.  Cheers everyone.

Current mood: Sad


Jonas Armstrong vs Chippy's arsehole landlord GBH

Jonas Armstrong

Hoodie Jonas Armstrong has been working for the BBC as part of an ASBO following an incident in Boots involving theft of rubber gloves and vaseline.  According to BBC sources Armstrong was the only actor willing to take on the role of Robin Hood after seeing the scripts.  If was only the prior commitments of Norman Wisdom on a cruise ship caberet show that allowed young Jonas the part.

As part of the terms of his ASBO Jonas Armstrong has had to have his charisma removed for the role.  Fellow actor Keith Allen had the following to say: "Kill the little bastard.  It's the only way I'm going to get our of this fucking contract.  Can you believe the Beeb are making me do a second series."

Cose friend and confidente, Sam Troughton who plays Much in the series initially refused to comment but, when pressed, let slip his lingering resentment for his fellow star, "I was in Alien vs Predator.  I've been in a proper hollywood movie. Why did they give him the starring role?  I hope Chippy's arsehole landlord takes his head off."

Chippy's arsehole landlord GBH

Dispite refusing to pose for promotional photographs for the Death Blog Grudge Match this image was found after careful and painstaking research.  You'll note the distinctive features of the typical slum landlord:

• Abundant nasal hair
• Large snout
• Long and sturdy fingers suitable for bodging repair jobs
• Overhanging beer belly
• Beedy eyes
• Pointed ears
• Strange, uncombed hair

Essentially this chap is a money grabbing git who refuses to perform essential repairs on Chippy's home.  Inventive tortures are really the order of the day.

Now BRING IT ON!

Current mood: Meanie


Perfect

I know that you all think I'm the closest thing to the most perfect human being on this planet.  You'd be right of course but there are still some skills that elude even me.  I know:  It's almost impossible to believe but I assure you it's true.  I'm not just being modest here.  While I am a fantastic lover, conversationalist and cook as well as an exemplary leader and speller I do have my faults.

For instance I have almost no skill at dancing, I have vast gaps in my knowledge concerning seemingly everyday things like cars or sport and I have a tendency to argue with people when I think I'm right.  Worse that all these though is my utter inability to wrap Christmas presents. 

I don't know what it is about putting a bit of paper around a box and sellotaping it down that eludes me.  Possibly it is that we tend to wrap presents on the bed without properly clearing it of clean laundry or ironing.  It could be that I find the paper too thin and accidentally tear it with my manly fingers.  Maybe I secretly yearn to stick sellotape in my hair.  Who know?  All that really matters is that I always start helping to wrap the presents but have to leave long before the job in complete.

Sometimes I leave before the wrapping paper is destroyed in a fit of masculine pique.  Sometimes I am politely asked to vacate the room my the ever patient Hildy.  Occasionally I am physically expelled from the room with the threat of violence hanging over me if I should return.

Is there anything that you're crap at?

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Britney Spears vs Nicole Richie

Britney Spears

Innocent and sweet Little Britney Spears began her career with Disney's Mickey Mouse Club as backup singer to equally sweet and innocent Miss Christina Aguilera.  Unfortunately Little Britney had to leave the Mickey Mouse Club after in came to light that she had been playing Doctors and Nurses with sick pervert Justin Timberlake.

Britney was forced to move back home to her parent's caravan in Brentwood, Louisianna where her construction worker father tried to sell her off as marriageable material.  Eventually she married Jason Allen Alexander in a Vegas Strip club and then Kevin Federline who she produced two children with.  Both marriages ended in divorce and she is now seeing that nice heiress, Paris Hilton.

When notified of her nomination for the Death Blog Grudge Match she had this to say: "Oh, my golly gosh, whatever is that? Well ah sure do wish the best fer mah opponent."

Nicole Richie

Californian clothes horse Nicole Richie first shot to fame when it came to light that her biological father was a drummer on tour with Lionel Richie.  She was adopted by Lionel Richie after his marriage broke up but if he were ever to pop his clogs it is assured that her godfather, Michale Jackson, would be happy to look after her....povided she wasn't too old by then.

Rich Bitch Paris Hilton has publicly mocked young Nicole for "having no class and being a bit fat" but when questioned the actress\singer said "fucking cow wouldn't know class if it bit her on the bum.  She's had plastic surgery you know."

She has recently been in trouble with the law and was caught drink driving in the nude and was arrested for flashing her tits on stage at a fashion show.  What a slag!

Upon hearing that she would be combating Britney Spears she was shocked. "If she's going where I've gone before then I feel sorry for her.  That Paris may look sweet but she's a hard taskmistress.  I could take her though"

We shall see.  Bring it on!

Current mood: Meanie


Shitty Christmas

The Hildy has just got home from a busy day in educational welfare.  She's upstairs ringing Social Services to report one of her clients for repeatedly kicking her child.

Apparently they won't do anything until it gets "more serious".

These are the same people who don't send their kids to school because it is too difficult to get up in the morning.  The same people who don't bother to attend court ordered parenting classes.  People who's children have an 8% school attendance rate, less that two days a month.  People who have never worked and probably will never work.

Sometimes I really hate people.

Not because some of them are scum but because there are people like The Hildy who care and try to help who keep getting it thrown back in their faces.

Current mood: Angry


Paris Hilton vs Pete Docherty

Paris Hilton

Made famous for sucking some bloke off for $10 in a seedy hotel this "actress" has repeatedly been seen in the popular press flashing her clam and staring vacantly into space.  Curiously the public don't seem to have grown tired enough of her to have the lynched or burned at the stake but time will tell.

An "interesting" fact about Paris Hilton is that she is that she isn't really green.  In this promotional photograph she is actually rehearsing for the role in the upcoming film of Marvel's She-Hulk.

Paris says that she wants to win the Deathmatch so that she can finally afford to share an apartment with her long time lover Britney Spears.  Of course if she wins then Britney will be dead but she's too thick to realise that.  Bless. 

Pete Doherty

Fucked up junkie Pete Doherty is most famous for being off his tits most of the time on one kind of illegal substance or another.  Did I get fame like this during my late teens and early twenties?  Bollocks did I.

He is also famous for bedding stringy minger Kate Moss.  If these two fuglies ever reproduce I strongly suggest sorting out a decent dentist for the poor kid.  Oh, and some foster parents because they'll both be found dead in some stinking bedsit before the decade is out.

I mean, what do you expect the son of a pikey turned squaddie to turn out like anyway?

This particular portrait of Mr Doherty (known as Pikey Pete to close friends) features him in the throws of a drug induced ecstasy.  Just say NO, kids.

Oh, apparently he sings or something.  At least according to the Internet. I expect it means he's a busker in the Underground.  Well, it beats selling the Big Issue I suppose.

So, which of these messed up losers should win in a fight between them?  I'm expecting some hair pulling and some sweaty falling about from both sides.  Paris Hilton or Pikey Pete?  You decide.

BRING IT ON!

Current mood: Meanie

P27 Death Blog Grudge Match I

The contestents are assembled and matches arranged in the following order 

Paris Hilton
vs    ------------------------------- Paris Hilton
Pete Doherty

Britney Spears
vs   ------------------------------- Britney Spears
Nicole Richie

Jonas Armstrong
vs   ------------------------------- Jonas Armstrong
Chippy's arsehole landlord GBH

Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich
vs   ------------------------------- Mas' Cheese and Pickle sandwich
David Guest

The first match Hilton v Docherty will begin shortly.  Basic rules can be found here.

Bring it on!

Current mood: Meanie

Lie to Me

Buffy:  Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.

Giles:  I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy:  I'd like to stop then, okay?

Giles:  I know the feeling.

Buffy:  Does it ever get easy?

Ford suddenly rises from his grave, a vampire just like he wanted, and attacks Buffy. She plunges a stake into his heart with no more effort than swatting a fly. He steps back and looks at the stake protruding from his chest. He looks back up and bursts into ashes.

Giles:  You mean life?

Buffy:  Yeah. Does it get easy?

Giles:  What do you want me to say?

Buffy:  (looks up at him) Lie to me.

Giles:  (considers a moment) Yes, it's terribly simple.

They start walking out of the cemetery.

Giles:  The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Buffy:  Liar.

Current mood: Sceptical


Platform 27 Death Blog Grudge Match

I've noticed an increasingly disturbing trend over the last few weeks towards seriousness in my blog.  Religion, politics, social science.  Tish and pish says I.

It is time to redress the balance.

Those expats of 20six may remember my unfinished Death Blog that died when they ditched the platform in favour of that stinky poo pants one that they have now.  A brief summary of the rules:

There are eight characters from popular fiction, media or even real life.  Each is pitted against the other in a vicious duel to the death using only their wits and whatever natural weapons that they possess.  The success of each participant in the Grudge Match is determined by the number of votes cast by bloggers.

• A single vote is counted by giving the name of the character you support
• Two votes are counted if you can back your choice up with a good reason
• Five votes are counted if you feel so strongly about your choice that you donate a star (they used to be sweeties)

First we decide on the contestants.  Then we mix them up so they fight one on one.  The winner of each match face each other in the next round until only one remains.  Each match lasts until a clear winner is decided or I can be bothered to end the suffering.

So, please now choose your contestants.  The first pair will begin fighting once eight contestants have been selected.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Chunky Monkeys

I've been reading about this and I've been watching the news and I must say that operating on chunky children is not my idea of a worthwhile investment for a national health service.

Surely education is a better solution to the problem of an ever fattening population?  Maybe Gordon Brown should reduce taxation of fruit and veg and increase it on crisps and lard? 

Now I'm partial to the odd packet of Monster Munch myself from time to time but I don't live on the bloody things.  Nor do I feed my children copious amounts of junk food because "it's all they'll eat".  They eat whatever I put in front of them or they go without.  We don;t cook a healthy meal everyday.  We're busy and sometimes they have to have something out of a packet or a freezer bag.  Not every day though.

We keep a bowl of fruit in our living room in case they get hungry between meals.  Crisps and sweets are a treat.  The same goes for sugary drinks.

I note with interest that obesity seems to be more prevalent among the poorer areas of the population.  Is it that the poorer parts of the country are under investing in education?  Are supermarkets selling fatty foods because they are more profitable and they are not being prompted by government to improve their focus more towards a healthy diet?

To suggest surgery for children is simply ridiculous.  Surgery should be available to cure illnesses not social problems.  The NHS is already under a great deal of pressure to allocate scarce resources to the best place.  Why burden them with another problem that won't server as a long term solution?

Yes, it will reduce the number of illnesses that the child will get in later life if they are not obese.  This would have the effect of reducing the cost to the NHS.  Surely it is better to change the collective mind of society and encourage healthy eating and exercise rather than drug or operate on people?

I suggest a sugar tax based on the average BMI of the country.  Do you have any suggestions?

Currently playing: Weird Al Yankovic - Fat
Current mood: Angry


Quick, think of something controversial.

Only kidding.

It was my birthday yesterday.  I didn't really celebtrate beating my own personal record for the number of consecutive years that I had avoided death because I had a bad case of the "digestive woes" and spent most of the day in the "reading room".

Also my Amazon order with my birthday books still hasn't arrived so I got the "Insult a Day" calendar and "The Big Taboo" game to open.  Also money from The Old Man and money from my little bro.  The kids offered me breakfast in bed but I'd been up most of the night "reading" so had to decline.

A random insult: Mother Nature must really hate you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

On the plus side as I've been unable to eat (or at least digest) anything I expect that my surplus body fat will quickly diminish and I'll be as buff as Lou Ferrigno in his heyday.  That is how it works isn't it?

I have a medical on Friday and I'm supposed to be keeping a food diary.  So far it does like this.

Monday: 10 pints of water and a little pasta.
Tuesday: a cracker and a pint of water.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier but my "no bread" diet of November had a net effect of making me lose half a stone or, if you're from the former colonies, 7 lbs.

So, how are the rest of you?

Currently playing: Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire
Current mood: Cool


Oops

It's obviously a mistake to invite religious debate on a blog.

Anyone want to talk about politics?

Current mood: Angry


Salesmen!

Never allow one salesperson to arrange somethign with another.

I've been trying to install a Blackbury Enterprise Server today.

Things I need:

• the software (BES)
• additional software (Microsoft SQL Engine A)
• the software license
• activation of the handsets
• transfer of the existing numbers to the new handsets

Things I'd like:

• installation instructions
• a tech support number in case I have a problem
• a web page with common solutions to common problems
• a speedy and reliable service

Things provided by the salesman:

• a link to the wrong BES software
• no mention of SQL engine being required
• a polite message on his voicemail saying he'll get back to me

It should be an easy task if everything is provided.

I'm a frustrated frog at the moment.

Current mood: Mad

Thursday Thirteen

....in which hoverFrog tries not to offend anyone.

Thirteen things about The Hildy:

1. I've known her since I was 15 and she was 19 when she started working in the video shop round the corner from where I lived.
2. She went on to be the manager of the same video shop but still earned less than today's minimum wage.
3. When she is concentrating she tends to get this little frown line between her eyebrows.
4. Her hair started going grey when she was 16.  Long before she ever met me.  The kids tease her about having grey hair but she just tells them that it's hereditary.
5. She started her OU degree five years after I started mine but she'll finish hers before me.  This is because she has a plan whereas I keep changing my mind.
6. She is left handed and therefore a witch.
7. Further evidence of her witcheryness is the fact that she never learnt to swim.  We take the kids swimming quite often but she always stays in the shallow end.
8. Another thing that she had not learnt to do was to cook.  I had to teach her how.  Now she is a wonderful cook although she still buys per-packaged food from time to time.
9. Her favourite meal is mushroom egg foo yung, mushroom chow mein and egg fried rice.
10. When we win the lottery The Hildy would like to eat her favourite meal every day to see how long it takes her to get sick of it.
11. When we were poor we had £10 a week for the two of us to buy food.  We practically lived on pasta, rice and potatoes.  We always had enough money for Hildy's cornflakes though.
12. The Hildy is half German on account of her father being from East Germany.  She does not, however, speak any German at all.  When the Berlin Wall came down and some of her long lost relatives came over to visit she couldn't understand a word that they said.
13. She has a fear of butterflies.

Go on...tell me thirteen things about your partner....you know you want to.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Accidental Design...

...in which hoverFrog continues to upset the deeply religious.

For some reason I've been reading a lot about Intelligent Design (ID) over the last few days.  I keep finding myself almost shouting at the books.  Do people really give this ridiculous theory any credence?  

ID is half baked mysticism repackaged as pseudo science and fed to the gullible as fact.  Worse than that it is being force fed to those members of society who are most susceptible to ill prepared ideas:  Our children.

What we teach our children will profoundly effect their attitudes and future life.  Children of racists have a high probability of become racists, religion is passed down from one generation to the next, if we teach children to believe that the questions that science cannot answer are part of a divine plan then they will stop looking for those answers and science will stagnate.

The quest to discover where we come and why we are here is a very human desire.  There are questions about our origins that I (or anyone) cannot answer but to believe that we were made by some divine force is like saying that you're not even going to try to find out the answers.

Does anyone disagree (other than George Dubya and Tony Blair)?

Current mood: Mad


On this day in history

1961: Birth control pill available to all

Women who wish to have oral contraception will now be able to get it on the National Health Service.

The Health Minister, Enoch Powell, made an announcement in the House of Commons today but did not give any guidelines as to whom the pill should be given.

"It is not for me to indicate to doctors when they should decide for medical reasons to prescribe for their patients," he said.

However some GPs are in a dilemma over whether they can prescribe the Pill, as it is commonly known, for social as well as medical reasons.

Financial 'burden'

Several companies are busy manufacturing the product in Britain which will cost the NHS just over one shilling a pill - 17s a month.

And some politicians are anxious that the drug could be a huge financial burden on the Treasury which currently spends £90m a year on drugs provided by the health service.

The oral contraceptive is a combination of a synthetic hormones oestrogen and progestogen taken to prevent conception by hampering monthly release of an egg cell from the ovary.

Pills have to be taken regularly in order to work and some physicians are concerned about the effects the drug could have on the body's delicate balance of hormones.

Sir Charles Dodds, Britain's leading expert on the drugs contained in the Pill and who heads a research institute at Middlesex Hospital, has said the pills could have long-term side-effects.

He compared a woman's body with a clock mechanism. "Even if you thoroughly understand the mechanism of a clock, provided it is going well it is very much better to leave it alone. To interfere with it fi you do not understand it can be disastrous," he said.

The Family Planning Association, which runs clinics all over Britain, is still deciding whether or not to gives the go-ahead to its physicians to issue the Pill to married women.

Two scientists at Birmingham University will carry out basic experiments on the Pill because it is not fully understood how it works.

In the current issue of the Queen's Medical Magazine, Birmingham Medical School's journal, they write: "Much careful quantitative work remains to be done before the biological action of these drugs is understood and before any recommendations of these drugs for routine use by the medical profession."

Nicked from the BBC News web site.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


I didn't know you could do this

I've emailed this to a few people already but I see no reason not to share it with everyone.

Help yourself to 40% off booze from Threshers.

webcoupon123.pdf

How cool is that?

 

Currently playing: Bauhaus - Bela Lugosi's Dead
Current mood: Big-Smiley

Atheism

Taken from Penn Jillette's essay on atheism: 

I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word ''elephant'' includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?

So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.

But, this ''This I Believe'' thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, ''This I believe: I believe there is no God.''

Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, ''I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith.'' That's just a long-winded religious way to say, ''shut up,'' or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, ''How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do.'' So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Stolen from Twisted Kites

Get yours here.

Currently playing: Alanis Morissette - Feast on Scraps DVD
Current mood: Happy

Fantastic Bargain

I had a yearning for healthy malt loaf yesterday that could not be quenched.  Unfortunately the only shop that was near to work that sells it was the crappiest shop in the world, Scummerfield.

The Fareham Scummerfield has established itself as the best place to buy out of date and mouldy food, damaged cans and frozen ready meals that are guaranteed to make you lose weight for the three days after you eat it.  Unfortunately I really wanted some malt loaf.

Fighting my way past the shuffling biddies who frequent this shop I managed to locate the malt loaf shelf.  As an aside I must wonder at the superior constitutions of old biddies.  They seem to be able to devour almost any food, no matter how rotten or out of date, and seem unaffected.  That or there are more of them that I imagine and they take shifts shopping for each other.

Anyway the arrangement of Scummerfield is such that you cannot simply reach a shelf, acquire your shopping item and walk confidently to the checkout.  No, you have to go with the flow and tour the manky cheese section and then dash past the tinned soup or detour past the milk fridge that smells of old ladies wee.  I chose the tinned soup aisle and a good thing too.

At the end of the soup aisle was an prominent display of sale items.  Opened packets of stale crackers, mouldy bread, novelty golliwogs and, to my delight, two cases of Caffreys bitter.  Cases of a dozen cans marked up at the princely sum of £1.74.

I immediately picked up said items and proceeded with some smugness to the checkout.  My exuberance was not diminished by the flatulent little harridan who was assigned to harangue the customers with tales of her bowels.  I even think she rewarded my vacant stare because to cases of beer at £1.74 and two malt loaves at 15p each does not come to £2.90 but that was the price she exacted from me and that was the price I paid.

So, I've got the beers in.  Anyone fancy a drink?

Currently playing: Don McLean - American Pie
Current mood: Big-Smiley