---

House clearing

I have been a busy frog clearing out the bedrooms in the lilypad and putting some spiffing laminate flooring down.  My poor flippers are killing me.  I think I've bruised a bone in my hand.  Ouchie!

We've also been clearing out much of the old stuff that we've accululated over the years.  Most of it is rubbish but some of the stuff we're getting rid of is very difficult to part with.  For instance there are six big supermarket "Bags for Life" filled with old books that we're taking to the library to recycle.  Now, in my head, I know that I'm never going to read any of these books again but I'm really going to miss them.  On the positive side I can now fit the huge pile of books that was on the floor onto the empty shelves.  Hurrah!

I'm not getting rid of my comic book collection from the late 1970s and early 1980s though.  As much as The Hildy wants me to I'm keeping them.  You never know, they might be worth something one day.

During the clearout we found a box of old photos from when the kids were really little.  There's one of Snarly Beth when she was about two and a half years old and climbed into a toy cupboard to escape her sister's (Cake Worm) snoring.  She fell asleep in there and when we went to check on them that night we couldn't find her in her bed or anywhere else because she'd shut the doors to the toy cupboard.  After a frantic search for our missing child we found her and took her photo.  I'll see if I can scan it in later and post it here.  She's all cute and sleepy.  It'll make you go "awwww".

Hopefully this will mark a return to normal blogging.

--EDIT--

Here's that picture I promised.

Sorry Racheroo but it's a photobucket piccie again.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Bad mood

Once again I am in a strop.

I'm thinking that my bad moods might be related to my having to come to work.  Or it might have something to do with the brainless troglodytes that I work with.

It isn't that they do one thing stupidly.  It's more that everything that they do seems to deliberately bypass common sense and basic human intelligence. 

Take WannabeCopper for example.  He has repeatedly been caught sending "inappropriate" emails to female work colleagues and has received numerous warnings about it following several complaints.  Yesterday I receive another complaint that he is still making lewd suggestions but has now moved on to the youngest female member of the office.

Or take SweetNikkiT.  She is trapped in an abusive relationship with a complete bumhole who insists on making her work to fund his drinking habit.  As she doesn't earn enough to keep him in the manner that he would like, he is making her change jobs.  The poor lass is in tears at least once a week and I suspect that she will be blubbing a lot today as it is her last day.

Or take PinkLady.  For some bazaar reason she holds the belief that speaking in a squeaky, childlike voice is endearing.  This is dispite my rather cutting comments to the contrary.

I have loads more examples.

So, my question is this:  How can I get the stupid people to leave me alone?  I desire only to be surrounded by clever and beautiful people (like you lot obviously). 

Should I have a quiet word with the recruitment person or should I start to arrange some "accidents"?  Better yet, should I actually make an effort to be more accepting of other people's deficiencies and become a wholly more tolerant individual.  Nah!

Current mood: Angry


Busy, busy, busy

As I type The Hildy is moving furniture upstairs.  We've been laying laminate flooring in all the bedrooms.  Hence the lack of decent blogging.  No, we haven't taken 6 months to do it.  Cheeky monkey.

Must go and help.

Please leave appropriate comments as if I had said something interesting and profound.

Thanking you.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


I want this t-shirt

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Four things

I've been tagged by Youngmum ...

Four jobs you've had in your life

1. Stock room slave for Boots.  I was box crusher boy with the strength of ten.  Well I was 14.
2. Bar steward.  For many years.
3. Beech comber (Not the best paid job but certainly the best one I've ever had)
4. IT Manager.  My current job and the best paid one I've ever had.

Four jobs you wish you had

1. Author.  Yes, I have a novel waiting to get out.
2. Porn star.  Just for the sex.
3. Circus Performer.  I particularly enjoy juggling and like to inflict this on people from time to time.  I'm rubbish at it though.
4. Evil Emperor of the Universe.  I'm planning on shaving my head and growing my eyebrows and a goatee beard for the job.

Four Movies you can watch over and over again

1. The Wizard of Oz
2. Nikita
3. Blade Runner
4. Henry V.  The Kenneth Branagh version

Four cities you've lived in

1. Aldershot
2. Oxford
3. Cardiff
4. Portsmouth

Four TV shows you love to watch

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Star Trek
3. West Wing
4. Doctor Who

Four places you've been on vacation/travelled to

1. The Isle of Wight
2. Morgin, Switzerland
3. Several places in Germany
4. Several Places in France

Four websites you visit daily

1. http://www.platform27.co.uk/
2. http://www-10/lotus.com/ldd/nd6forum.nsf
3. http://www.google.co.uk/
4. http://www.racingfrogs.org/

Four of your favourite foods

1. Cheese and tomato sandwich
2. Marmite on toast or crumpets
3. Roast potatoes
4. Granny Smith's apples

Four things you won't eat

1. Meat
2. Peanut Butter
3. Bread and Butter Pudding
4. Mushy Peas

Four things you wish you could eat right now

1. Pizza
2. Jamaican Ginger Cake
3. Vegetable Curry with Onion Bhajis
4. Cheese on toast

Four things in your bedroom

1. My bed
2. Lots of laundry waiting to be ironed
3. My obnoxious cat
4. The most resilient alarm clock in the universe.

Four things you wish you had in your bedroom

1. A wooden floor
2. Space
3. Bed posts
4. Quiet

Four things I'm wearing right now

1. A denim shirt 
2. paint plattered denim jeans
3. Black socks
4. Blue trollies

One place I'd rather be right now

1. Home

One fictional place I'd rather be right now

1. In my own battle cruiser laying waste to those who oppose my plan for galactic dominance.

Four people you'd really love to have dinner with

1. My kids
2. Mahatma Ghandi
3. Sitting Bull, the Lokota chief who defeated Custer
4. The Wright Brothers

Four things I'm thinking right now

1. I'm tired and I'm going to be at work for hours yet.
2. I wonder if The Hildy is in the mood for loving tonight?
3. I wish someone would make me a coffee/
4. Why can't the idiots at work leave me alone?

Four of your favourite things/people

1. My four kids
2. The Hildy
3. Holidays
4. Swimming

Four People I tag

As I normally pick people who have usually been picked I'm deliberately avoiding P27ers this time.

1. King Negrito
2. Chloe
3. Amy but I don;t knwo where her blog is now
4. Buttons

Current mood: Big-Smiley


I'm a bit sceptical

My brother is fed up with his job as a duty manager for WitherSoulless Breweries.  They've put him on a salary, cut all paid overtime (unpaid is expected), reduced his bonuses and messed about his hours so much that he hardly ever gets to see his missus or my niece, Baby Jess.  Plus he's pretty fed up with working with some of the stupidest people in all the universe.

As a result of his general dissatisfaction with the industry he has spend the last decade or so years working in he has decided on a career change.  He's going to be a Bus Driver.

When I told The Hildy this she immediately went on a strange and tangential rant about how there are Bus Driver Groupies who think that bus drivers are a bit of a heart throb.  I'm really hoping that this comes as much a surprise to you as it did to me.  I mean,  Bus Drivers and Groupies are not something I ever thought I would see or hear in the same sentence.

My own experience of bus drivers is that they are uniformly obnoxious, ugly, dangerous drivers with a penchant for sexist and racist humour.  Then again I freely admit to having a very limited experience when it comes to bus drivers.

I think she's winding me up.  What do you think?

Current mood: Sceptical


News just in

A British company is developing computer chips that store and play music in women's breast implants.

A company spokesperson declares this a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts without listening to them.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen is a meme with one purpose:  to get to know bloggers better. Thirteen secrets they've never shared before, Thirteen random things about themselves or their lives that give the reader a better idea of who they are.

Thirteen reasons I love coffee

1. It wakes me up like nothing else.
2. The smell of coffee brewing has got to be the closest thing to the perfect smell ever created.
3. Mornings aren't complete without the jingle of a spoon in my coffee mug.
4. Drinking coffee is a relaxing way to spend your time.
5. You can always escape the annoyance of shopping by stopping for a coffee. 
6. Making coffee at work breaks the day up into manageable chunks.
7. Making someone else a coffee is a great way to say sorry.
8. There are thousands of varieties of coffee so you can always experiment with a different flavour.
9. Old coffee cups have character.
10. Coffee can increase alertness and improve short-term recall.
11. Coffee is good for you.
12. Instant coffee really is instant.  All you need is boiling water to add and it's ready to drink.
13. You can add whisky to coffee and it only makes it taste better.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Saved

Praise be!

I am saved.

For two days I have drunk nothing but CrapPax coffee from a CrapPax machine.  It's like drinking burnt evil with added evil and a dash of freshly boiled evil on top.  I swear my tongue is melting, my tastebuds are dying and I now have the breathe of a 60 a day smoker who smokes nothing but evil.

Fortunately I have breathe freshening gum made from concentrated goodness.

And I have been saved.  I found a Pret round the corner from the training centre where I am in training and they were willing to sell me a delicious cup of freshly brewed filter coffee without any evil in it. 

It looks like coffee.

It smells like coffee.

It tastes like coffee.

Truly there is no finer beverage in this world.

Praise be to coffee.

The pros and cons of coffee

* BENEFITS

Can increase alertness and improve short-term recall.

May reduce the risk of cirrhosis of the liver among heavy drinkers.

May postpone muscle fatigue.

Contains caffeine-related compounds (theophylline) that can alleviate the symptoms of asthma in some cases.

* RISKS (You can ignore most of these)

Increases blood pressure among people who already suffer from high blood pressure.

Causes insomnia, anxiety, and irritability.

May worsen symptoms of PMS in some women.

Can reduce fertility in women trying to conceive.

Can cause heartburn and indigestion.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Tension relief

Go on.  Click here.  Pop that bubblewrap to your heart's content.

I'd love to not be sitting alone at to blinks tomorrow?  Come and join me for a pint.  I shall be at the Wellington near Waterloo station from about 5:30pm till I remember that I have a train to catch.

Don't let me leave my laptop behind.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Substitute your lies for fact.....

....I can see right through your plastic mac

Purple has made me realise how much I hate substitutes.

Sugar substitute, salt substitute, decaf coffee, low fat coke, non-alcoholic beer, methadone, rosey palm, Thursday for Friday.  I mean, what's the point? All are inferior to the thing that they replace but millions of people still use them on the assumption than they are better for them (some of them probably are) or somehow more virtuous.

I prefer to pander to my addictions or embrace abstinence to avoid them.  Except where it comes to shoes.  Shoes are a different matter.  The best pair of shoes (actually boots) were made from leather.  I bought them in 1989 in Cardiff, two years before going vegetarian and they proved to be immensely comfortable, waterproof and hard wearing.  At least until two years ago when the stitching finally wore out.

I haven't been able to get a decent pair of boots since.  I'm stuck with shitty leather substitutes for boots and shoes that fall to pieces in three months.  Frankly it's starting to annoy me.

--

In other news I've discovered that I have read every book in the library that I intend to.  I mean I've read all the sci-fi, horror, fantasy, classics and children's books plus a few crime ones and a handful of others that interest me.  This isn' because I have a small local library because it's quite big really.  It's because they still have the same books as they had 10 years ago.  I wish they'd rotate the stock with other local libraries once in a while.

--

In even more other news I'm off to London town next week on a course.  I'm off to Tabernacle Street to learn all about Web development in versions 6 and 7 of Lotus Notes\Domino.  w00t!

Then I'm meeting simply millions of people for a pint on Wednesday evening at the Blinks (blog drinks) in the Wellington at Waterloo.  Em and Oink and Racheroo will be there and hopefully many more.  There'll be 20sixers as well as 27ers but I'm hoping that there'll be no faction forming or fighting.  The more the merrier, so consider yourself invited.

Currently playing: Substitute - The Who
Current mood: Big-Smiley


August Pay rise

The company's pay rises have now been sorted out.  OK they haven't but mine has and that's the important thing.  Management first and all that....*ahem*.... lead by example, etc.

Anyway it seems that my contribution to the company (I don't just blog you know) is finally being recognised and my vast wages are being elevated to the same levels as the other managers.  Sadly to compensate for my pay rise I will be losing a nice chunk of my bonus.  Shame really as I've only been getting it for a year.

End result: Not sure because the new bonus formula is about a light year long but I'm guessing I'll be on the same amount as last year, maybe more.  Who knows?

On paper though it means I can actually afford the monthly mortgage payments on the house I bought nearly four years ago.

W00t!

To celebrate we had Chinese food and an early night.  Both of which are guaranteed to put a smile on my face.

Other than Diva and Nags, who shared their good news with us yesterday, did anyone else get any good or even mediocre good fortune at all?

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Lies, damned lies and statistics

I've been told that I have a curious moral framework.

I don't want to go to the work Christmas party.  I've tried explaining that these are people I work with and in no way wish to give up my free time to socialise with them.  For some reason they think I'm telling some riotously amusing joke.  At least the laughter indicates this....or I've left my flies open again.

I've been advised to make some excuse about not going.  To say that I have a prior engagement on that day.  To say this thing even when it is not true.  To lie.  I don't feel comfortable lying. It's not that I see anything wrong with lying as such.  Telling a good fib is an important skill that prevents members of the human race from killing each other and generally lets us get on. 

It's more that I'd actually have to lie to people's faces and then I'd know that they knew that I was lying and that they suspected the real reason that I didn't want to go and get offended.  If I'm going to offend some one then I should jolly well be forthright about it.  There should be name calling and everything.

I'm also more than a little disappointed in the person who suggested that I lie.  I mean, do they lie often?  Are they a skilled deceiver?  Have they lied to me?  Does it really not matter how big it is as long as I know how to use it?

So, I'm going to the Christmas do only because I have no valid reason not to.

On the other hand if I could get away with it just by omitting a truth then I'd do it in a second.

Have you told any porkers recently?

Current mood: Sceptical


How does Diva put it?......Mardy

I'm feeling mildly under the weather.

This is the result of an almost certain case of the deadly man-flu.  This illness is highly likely to kill any man who contracts it so I have done the only thing possible in such a situation and made sure I came to work.  That way my unblemished sickness record remains...um...unblemished and I have a very good chance of killing off some of the people who annoy me.

Symptoms of man flu include the following:

• Muscle aches all over my body.
• Occassional hacking cough that sneaks up on me when I'm not ready for it.
• Random sneezing.
• A nose that runs like Seb Coe in his younger, pre-tory boy days.
• Eyes that feel shrivelled up.  In fact I'm sure that they've been mummified.
• Pounding bongo like head ache.
• Lack of energy.  I just don't have any.
• I've lost the ability to sleep for more that one hour at a time
• My head is mushy (OK mushier).  It feels like someone has removed the jellified bits of grey matter and poured soup into my brain box.  Mushroom soup.  With croutons.  I hate croutons.

As a result of my fragile and weakened state I require all of your stars as get well gifts.  Please make it so. I promise to stop whining like a great Wendy's Night Out if I get five stars.  For ten stars I'll dedicate an entire blog entry to a subject of your choice.

If anyone could also find a cure for man flu before I expire I'd be ever so grateful.

Please and thank you Misters and Missuses.

Currently playing: Dice with the Grim Reaper
Current mood: *cough* mardy *groan*


Random Background Image Thingy

Press Refresh

Go on.

Did you notice the background image change?

What do you think?

I've got a new spiffy background image script that randomly displays a different image from a list.

See here's the script below.  I've changes the pointy brackets for square ones so if you want to pinch it then you'll need tochange them back.

[script language="JavaScript"]
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By JavaScript Kit (www.javascriptkit.com)
*/

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var backgr9="http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j118/hoverFrog/c3f4c2a1.jpg"

var cur=Math.round(10*Math.random())
if (cur<=1)
backgr=backgr1
else if (cur>1 && cur <= 2)
backgr=backgr2
else if (cur>2 && cur <= 3)
backgr=backgr3
else if (cur>3 && cur <= 4)
backgr=backgr4
else if (cur>4 && cur <= 5)
backgr=backgr4
else if (cur>5 && cur <= 6)
backgr=backgr5
else if (cur>6 && cur <= 7)
backgr=backgr6
else if (cur>7 && cur <= 8)
backgr=backgr7
else if (cur>8 && cur <= 9)
backgr=backgr8
else
backgr=backgr9

backgr=backgr9
document.write('<body background="'+backgr+'" bgcolor="#FFFFFF">')
<!-- End Hiding -->

[/script]

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Bored

Your World View

You claim to be a realist or even a cynic. In realty, you are more emotional, romantic, and truthful. You tend to life in a fantasy world and avoid reality. If you are not living a happy life, the cause is within yourself. You are a rebel with a trace of spoiled child about you. You value truth above morality, but you are reasonably tolerant of those who disagree with you.

Current mood: Bored

Snigger

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Following on from yesterday

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Thursday Thirteen

As so many 27ers are posting their favourite poems or even writing their own I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and combine it with my Thursday Thirteen.  It's a jolly good way to celebrate National Poetry Day.

My Thursday Thirteen Poems

1. Sonnet 130. My Mistress' Eyes are Nothing Like the Sun.  By William Shakespeare.  Early 17th Century.
2. Ozymandias. By Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1818
3. mehitabel was once cleopatra.  By Don Marquis, in "archy and mehitabel," 1927
4. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. By Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1797
5. The Walrus and the Carpenter.  By Lewis Carroll 1872
6. Solomon Grundy.  By James Orchard Halliwell-Phillipps, 1842.
7. Paradise Lost.  John Milton. 1667.
8. The Owl and the Pussycat. By Edward Lear. 1871
9. The Tyger.  By William Blake. 1794
10. Dulce et decorum est.  By Wilfred Owen. 1818
11. Song. By Christina Rosetti. 1891
12. The Divine Comedy.  by Dante Alighieri.  Early 14th Century Translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1882)
13. On the Pulse of Morning.  Maya Angelou. 1993

I won't curse you with my own weak verse.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Hot, Hot, Hot

They've got the flipping heating on.

Why is that?  Why do people insist on making me suffer when they feel a little cold?

I shall just have to open all the windows and switch the boiler off at the mains.

No, I am not being unreasonable.

Oh, you think I am, do you?

Then I banish you from this land.  Go and live in a hot country.  I like it cold.  I may move to Canada.  I hear they've got proper weather.

And another thing:  Just because I share an office with three middle aged women does not mean I want to be subjected to two hours of gossip every morning.

Yes, I am annoyed.  That's why I'm yelling.

Oh, I give up.  I'm just going to sulk all day.

Current mood: Griping like a pensioner at the post office


Blimey Tagged by Nags

Why do you blog? I really have no idea.  I suppose I enjoy it.  Also I am practicing lying and telling the truth at the same time.

How long have you been blogging? 23 June 2005.  Ever since the lovely Chloe inspired me to blog.

Self Portrait. Like the invisible man but taller and wearing a large 17th Century French wig.

Why do readers read your blog?  You would have to ask them that question.  I would say that I am adored by all who read my words of great wisdom but then I am a complete swell head.

What was the last search phrase someone used to find your site? 'Effervescing'

Which of the entries gets unjustly too little attention?  The one where I anal sex was mentioned in passing.

Your current favourite blog? I never read other people's blogs.  I haven't the time, dear.  I simply haven't the time.

Which blog did you read most recently?  King Negrito

Which feeds do you subscribe to?  Lotus Notes Developers ones.  I'm the consumate professional and never waste my precious time on frivolities.  Oh yes.

Which 4 blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?  Michelle because she ain't blogged for days.  Literally days.  Olivia because she is tired and would benefit from some frivolous nonsense like this.  George because I'm interested.  Tracey, just because. 

I'd tag everyone but for some reason I'm limited to four. 

Four has special significance in my life.  I have four offspring, four limbs and feel the need to purchase tins of beans or soup in packs of four.  I also once ate four shredded wheat.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Homework

Snarly Beth (she who looks like Bagpuss in her new jumper) asked her dear old Dad (being me) for help with her homework.

I was fine helping her with Maths, Science and English but must admit to getting more than slightly stuck on French.  Can you believe that Johnny Foreigner still insists on using their own barbaric tongue instead of abandoning it in favour of the noble Queen's English?  No!  Me neither. 

Well there it is.  I am now in need of a French Mistress or other form of language teacher to help me to learn this base and uncouth form of communication.  That way I will be able to assist the adorable Snarly Beth with her French homework without looking like a right old numpty.

Don't let on but the homework was only to practice pronounciation of the Froglaise for the number 1 to 20.

Seriously, I need help.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Bagpuss

Bagpuss

Snarly Beth

Can you tell the difference?

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is hoverFrog. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I  found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said," I, this is John Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a blue Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the blue Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is",  he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a C*nt!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I  had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an idea.

I called C*nt #1.

"Hello?"

"You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Steve Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, terraced house, with my blue Land Rover parked out the front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt," and hung up.

Then I called C*nt #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, C*nt," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll do what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a*se," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the cr*p out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

Now I feel MUCH better.

Take it from me, anger management really works...

Current mood: Big-Smiley