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I wish I had a hat

A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Coffee

http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine/

It would take 157.45 cups of Brewed Coffee to put you down

I'll do my holiday posts later.  As soon as I get a minute.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


I'm off

I'm off on holiday for a while now so I leave you with the lyrics to the Ballad of Serenity which is the theme song to the Firefly series.

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

Or, you can listen to the themesong here.

Currently playing: Ballad of Serenity
Current mood: Big-Smiley

My un-holiday

I've been on holiday since Monday.  Not having had a proper holiday since I was a kid I'm a bit dubious about how the whole work/holiday thing is supposed to go.  Through a process of direct observation I have deduced the following: 

It is important that someone ring me and text me on work related matters at least once a day.  At least once per holiday week I should be called to work for at least an hour.  I can do this from home mostly but I will still be required to return to the office to attend at least one meeting where I will say very little and doodle very much.  If I have time I shall show you my doodle.  I'm expecting it to be a work of the art.  In black ink.

I suppose it's my own fault to telling people that I'm not actually leaving till tomorrow.

Lesson learned.

In other news having The Hildy not work means that she has oodles of night time energy.  You know, for night time stuff.

Stargazing and such.

*ahem*

In even more other news a mad scottish drunk accosted me this morning with what I can only assume is a traditional greeting from that barbaric country.  A complete stranger ran up to me ranting in his foreign tongue and tried to head butt me.  He had a black eye already so I resisted the urge to give him another and instead delivered some choice phrases derived from the Old Saxon. 

Suffice it to say he was driven away by my intimidating comments as well as my fairly obvious physical characteristics.  At 6'4" and 17 stone of relaxed muscle I can appear quite scary to some people.  At least until they get to know me.

This small chap reminded me of a Jack Russell.  Small, irritating, prone to violence and thinking he was a bigger dog than he actually was. 

 

I'm more like the Alsatian in that I am large, intelligent, faithful, friendly, good with kids, have a long tongue and often misunderstood.  Plus I can walk backwards in a straight line which is more than most dogs can.

Anyway I have questions:

1. What would you do about workplace harrasment while you're on holiday?
2. What do you do at night when sleep eludes you?
3. What is your favourite phrase that you reserve for dealing with violent drunks?
4. What sort of dog (or indeed other animal) do you associate yourself with?

By the way.  Have I mentioned that I'm goign to the Isle of Wight on my holiday tomorrow?

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Darth Wind Up

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Do you have to use so many cuss words

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=4252&rtn=index-topten&nsfwfs=yes

I, of course, never swear.

Current mood: Bored


Rude mind

I've just been asked to provide some lubricant for an attractive young lady in the office.

Apparently her chair squeaks.

I got some filthy looks when I told them that I'd used mine up this morning.

I don't know why.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

The post is here

The post is here
Letters come from far and near
All year round they make me want to cheer!

Look what arrived in my post from the amazing James Turner:

Little Al says it's the best thing to read while sitting around in your pyjamas on your summer holidays.  I tend to agree.

Thanks Mr Turner for your prompt delivery.  You're the best.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


I'm such an insufferably clever git.

Oh yes, I am a clever chappy. 

OU Course Result

M150 Data, Computing and Information - Assignment scores

TMAs
Number	Score
01	97
02	94
03	86
04	94
05	93
CMAs
Number	Score
41	90

Overall continuous assessment score (OCAS)

92

It's only a level 1 course which I needed for the named degree but even so I'm quite pleased that I got such a good grade.  Shame that the level 1 courses are only graded as Pass or Fail though.

Only another 150 points left to finish the degree and I'll have a BSc (Honours) Information Technology and Computing to go with the Certificate in Information Technology (Cert IT & Comp (Open)) and the Diploma in Computing (DipComp (Open)). 

I've also got 180 points from Art and Literature courses which I plan to expand on in future years and get a BA after I finish the BSc.  I could combine the two sets of course and get a BSc unnamed degree now but I don't want to.

Next year I shall be doing MT262 Putting Computer Systems to Work and I will be programming in C++ for a change.  Yet another programming language I can add to my CV.

Oh yes, I am a clever man.

Are you doing any courses at the moment?

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Water, water, every where,

And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

This isn't remotely funny for me but I crawled out of bed some 40 minutes ago, hot and sticky from a restless night.  As is my habit in the morning I began to run a bath only to discover that we have no cold water.  This means that I have half a bath filled with boiling hot water that I can't use.

Dismayed I telephoned the local water supplier.  They open at 8:30am.  Arse!

Never mind, I'll check out their web site.  Nothing.

I wish I had a well.

Oh the horror, I've just realised that I can't even fill the kettle.  What am I going to do?

Currently playing: Handel's Water Music
Current mood: Dehydrated


Shopping for essentials

I was in the shops on Sunday purchasing some essentials (as you do).  Milk, bread, tin foil, marmite, condoms, and beer were on my shopping list.  Essentials.

It is at this juncture that I should point out that I have been purchasing condoms on and off for almost 20 years.  Why is it then that I still feel slightly embarrassed whenever I buy them?

That's why I always get the really big packets.  So they last longer.

On the subject of condoms.

 

Current mood: Curious


The eyes have it

I was sent this little gem yesterday.

It made me think for a moment about what life would be like if I were stupid enough to piss The Hildy off by cheating on her.

*shudder*

This is not because I think that fidelity is that important in a relationship.  I honestly don't.  It's more to do with respect.  I want The Hildy to look at me without any sort of disappointment or regret in her eyes.  She can be angry with me, lustful for me, roll her eyes in frustration at my thick headedness, laugh at (or even) with me, wink seductively or raise her eyebrows in curiosity..  I think it would just kill me if she looked at me like she had thought I was better than that but I wasn't.

Do you know what I mean?

She has such beautiful brown eyes.  Especially when she laughs.

Besides which if she left me she would take my lovely children away and there's no way I could cope with being a weekend dad.  It just isn't worth it.

Anyway before you all call me a big soppy sack of sap I'll get to the point. 

What is it that you love most about your partner?  Or if you're a singleton what is it that you want most in a partner?

Current mood: Love


Live Long and Prosper

"I'm afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was my fault."

The Hildy has turned into an animal.  A sexual beast.  She didn't let me sleep at all last night.

I blame her new found energy on the fact that she only works school term time and on her new clothing.  she has recently purchased a top that resembles the old Star Trek uniform.

This obviously makes me a proper nerd for even thinking this.

Current mood: Big-Smiley


Holiday

During my two weeks off in August I shall be visiting our famous capital city, London.  Not sure what I'm going to do there other than check out the dinosaur exhibit in the Natural History Museum but Snarly Beth loves The Big Smoke so we must go.  Any suggestions for any other attractions?

Also can anyone suggest a cheap place to stay for a family of 6 for two or three nights?

I'm also going to spend a night or two in Brighton where I shall visit my chum, Chloe in her home and the excellent sandcastle festival.  Anything else going on in the Bright town?  Also I need a cheap place to stay as above.

I have also decided to visit the Isle of Wight for a week of I might go to this ==> http://www.garlic-festival.co.uk/.  Otherwise I shall mostly be walking and camping.

Current mood: Big-Smiley

Argumentative

I know that it's hard to believe but I can be a cantankerous and argumentative individual when the mood takes me.

At this precise moment in time I am feeling particularly in the mood for a good row.  Unfortunately I am lacking a topic to argue about.

Anyone want to suggest one?

I promise that we'll make up spectacularly afterwards.

Currently playing: Skunk Anansie
Current mood: What does it say up there?


My little girl is 11

Yesterday marked the 11th birthday of my first born child.  Snarly Beth saw in the day with her best chums Shiz and Loz.  I "borrowed" the work projector and wired it up to our DVD player and the girls enjoyed a movie night.  We watch Zathura on Sunday night and Sky Captain on Monday.

The Hildy thinks I have a "thing" for Angelina Jolie but Gwyneth took the lead in this movie.  For some reason the girls thought that the leading man was OK but he does nothing for me.  Obviously we devoured far too much popcorn and icecream.

The girls spent Snarly's birthday morning at a home made pamper party.  The Hildy slapped on face packs, fake tattoos and foot something or others and did many things that I don't really understand while I took my best and only son away from the womanly goings on and we played Dragonshard on the computer.

I was unfairly accused of hogging the game for reasons that we won't go into.

By lunchtime we had my own personal favourite of any birthday party:  The cake.

See that there are 11 candles that she had to blow out on her own.  She managed a single withering look as we sang "Happy Birthday Dear Snarly" to her.

It seems like a very short time since she was only as long as my forearm and he hair stuck up from the back of her head in an amusing spike.

Current mood: Big-Smiley