cul's comfy corner

"Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swearwords"

or rather, to quote myself...

"Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know enough swearwords" 

i could put a sailor to shame with my potty mouth, but there are no words strong enough to describe how i feel about my day.  i don't even feel upset about it, though i know that will come, i am laughing about it because i don't know how to process what happened.

it's not even worth listing all of the swearwords i know and asking for recommendations because there isn't enough time in my life to say what i want to say about today.  the only word that comes close to describing my day is the 'c' word that i love saying but upsets everyone else, so i won't.

all i will add to this diatribe is that i have been completely humiliated, humbled, worried, angry and utterly annoyed during the course of the day.

there's only one thing that's going to make this better:  alcohol!

monday - sports day practice.  got caught out in the rain. soaking wet and grumpy.  immediately started sneezing and now have full-blown cold with blocked nose and sore throat.  great.

thursday - sports day practice.  sunburn. owyas.

and breathe...

the outside of a public toilet in houston:

and now for the inside:

it's made from one way mirrored glass. 

would you..COULD you wee? 

dark on the outside, blonde on the inside...

a list of things it would be useful to remove from your handbag, which has been sat on the windowsill, on the same day they were placed in there:

a 460g bottle of salad dressing

a pint of milk

a fountain pen

how not to cook a cottage pie  by tracy (aged 34¼) 

so,  i'm busy tonight and to save time and ensure i ate something, i planned to cook a tesco 'healthy living' cottage pie and eat it as i worked.

the instructions were clear:

remove film lid, place in microwave for 6½ minutes blah blah blah

once the food was in the microwave, i utilised the 6½ minutes by emptying the bin and feeding the cats.  woo!  go me!

*ping*

oh, the pie is still frozen in the middle.  so i cook it for 3 minutes more as i take the binbag out. 

*ping*

still frozen.  hmm.  3 minutes more.  fluff cushions on sofa.

*ping*

still frozen?  blimey, do i need to zap it with a ray gun or what?  set the microwave to 'frazzle' and the timer to 5 minutes.  this'll get the beggar.

*ping*

aaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!  how can the middle still be frozen? i mean, come on!  

by now, of course, the pie is looking barely edible as i've stuck my finger in the middle of it several times.   set the microwave for 3 minutes more whilst i make a nice salad.

*ping*

the microwave must be broken, that's all it could be.  i won't give up, i'll cook this bugger if it's the last thing i ever do.

*brainwave*

*puts cooker on*

so the pie goes into the over at 190 for ten minutes.  the sides are already bubbling and firm, but that middle section is decidedly tepid and sloppy.  i sit on the floor looking into the oven, waiting.

*beep*

finally, after  30½ minutes, the pie is cooked. the plastic container is melted somewhat and the pie looks a bit strange but it's cooked at last.

*scream*

i burn my mouth. 

hrmph. 

the rain.

it keeps me calm. 

i wish it was raining now.  i'm going to go back to bed.  withOUT chocolate, chippy.

i also got another gift today from a different friend.  my friend vicky invited me to go see stephen lynch the other day but i couldn't go because of all this horribleness with reports and stuff.  lo and behold, she only went and got me a lovely signed photo, didn't she?  what an angel. *loves*

why is it that the hardest advice to take is your own?  i hear myself saying stuff, i give advice all the time.  people thank me, they get back to me and say things worked or that they tried it and went from there.  it's great, i'm glad to help.

sometimes though, i hear myself saying these things and i realise what a hypocrite i am. i'm telling people not to panic as i sit silently panicking.

i'm the strong one, you see.  i'm so like my dad.  he's the one his entire family turns to for support because he's so level-headed.  the same happens for me.  my family, including my parents, come to me to help talk things through and resolve situations.  i am very honoured to be in this position and grateful to have a family that trusts me implicitly but with that trust comes burden.

dad went to the hospital today for his follow-up appointment since his cancerous kidney was removed.  the doc said that when they examined the tubes leading to/from the removed kidney, there was evidence of cancer there, that it was in fact starting to spread.  dad turned to my sister and said, 'tracy would say that means they caught it just in time before it spread far and i've had a lucky escape'.  it's true, i would have said that.  i asked my sis what she said.  'does that mean there's still cancer in the rest of the tubes that the kidney was cut from?'.    the answer from the doctor was that they don't know.  they're going to give him a scan in july and report the results in august. 

i chatted to dad this evening, i could tell that he's worried but he kept saying to me 'i remembered what you said.  there's no point in worrying until we know anything for sure.  i'm going to try.'  i was happy to have made an impact, that my faith in the doctors to do the right thing (they have been excellent) and my belief in the power of positive thinking have affected how dad thinks. 

except now i'm sitting here, trying to be brave and feeling so weak.  i'm worried.

such a tough day today that ended in tears.  tears of frustration.  tears of worry.  tears of exhaustion.

then i got home from work at 10pm and found a parcel.  in that parcel was a 'creation'.  it was glue and glittery, lots of different coloured glitters in the shape of a heart in the middle with a heart shaped beaded section and colourful feathers around the edges.  

naturally, i loved it.  despite all of the black, there's a very pink side to my personality and those that know me well get that.

there was a card enclosed.  "didn't have to words to tell you how amazing you are, so i made something for you".

my friends are *soooooooooo* amazing sometimes.

this was just what i needed to keep me working through the night so that i can finally hand my reports in tomorrow.  

thanks claire [::] 

i won't even begin to bore you with my frustration at not being able to work during the day, no matter how pressing the work is.  it is equally as frustrating to get to 8pm and magically transform into a workaholic who can't stop, even to sleep. i suppose i should be grateful that there is some point when i'm motivated, even if it's driving me crazy and depriving me of sleep.

i've worked hard this evening, i'm happy about that, and have completed two thirds of my reports today.  yay!  if i work super-hard i might even get them finished on tuesday to hand in on wednesday.  

i think i've done a good job.  must check them all though and make sure i haven't mistakenly written comments like "xxx is a naughty little git who doesn't do as he is told" before i hand them in though...

duh.

really must remember to eat.  it helps me not feel like my stomach is caving in.

that would explain the pain. 

well, moderation over, finally and reports are well on their way.  i had to sleep yesterday so a 3 hour nap from 5 til 8 was just what the doctor ordered to wake me up again.

right then, i'm off to work to ask for an extension to get my reports done so i can plan some sleep today too. 

i am in massive pain today, my tummy hurts so bad.

i don't know whether it's the stress of my project today making it painful or if i've got a bug.  of course sitting hunched at a computer for several days won't have helped i suppose.  i just want to go to bed clasping my hot water bottle.

i need to keep working though, reports due in on friday.  damn it.

ooh, what to do? 

must be in bed by midnight though, finished or not.  i've got to get some sleep.

i 'ate this time of year. 

well, that's another day down. managed to do everything i needed to last night and went to bed at 4:30 and was up at 6:30.

i don't need much sleep and get by on about 4 hours sleep a night, but i *need* those 4 hours.

barely functioning today but it's my moderation tomorrow so i've got to make a list and check it twice for tomorrow then it will be over.

until thursday when i have to begin writing reports which are due in on friday...

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

can chicken pie give you a headache?

i didn't have a headache.  i ate some pie.  i have a headache.

random. 

...and i'm home.

that's a hefty 3,000 miles i've done in my car since easter and the discovery of dad's cancer. 

i've been with my family this last week and i'm happy to report that dad is up and about most days and though there is still some pain, it's nothing like what he was experiencing before.

so, this leaves me with seven weeks to get through at work before the summer holidays.  how did that happen?  it's all moving so quickly.

no more travelling for me for a while.  i think if my family wants to see me before the end of august, they can come here.  i need to sleep in my own bed for a while...