cul's comfy corner

i am still here.

after discovering my dad had cancer on easter sunday, i came home to speak to my boss and went back the next day so i've had a week off work to spend with my dad. it's been an incredibly tough week, attending the hospital with dad and speaking to his specialist, seeing him sitting on the examination table swinging his legs like a worried five year old. the specialist is the top of his field in the north-east and is a personal friend of my dad's doctor so he's getting very good treatment there. he's been told that the cancer is in one kidney and that they're hoping that they can just whip the kidney out and he can get back to his life.

i drove dad around all week as his back was pretty painful and he was getting tired, then spent the rest of the week making tea for visiting relatives, cleaning the house so that my dad didn't have to (as he's my mom's carer, all of the housework falls to him) and distracting my mom so that she didn't cry all day every day.

thankfully, i didn't have to tell my dad's family the news as my sisters and brother chose to do that. it was very difficult as they all were terrifically upset, some to the point of hysteria. my sister actually had to wrestle an auntie to the ground because she got herself into such a state that she was jumping over furniture and running around the garden. sounds funny to me but i'm guessing it really wasn't.

the hardest part was being there when my dad told my 15 year old brother. choked just doesn't do it justice. fair play to my dad who wanted to tell him himself, and my bro took it well, but it was tough, man.

it's been really strange as the house is alive 24 hours a day, they just don't sleep. i've never been so tired in all my life! i awoke at 3am one morning to find my mom laying a packet of maltesers on my pillow around an inch from my nose. i'd mentioned earlier that i fancied some chocolate and she'd just found them in her bag and wanted to leave them for me when i woke up. mental. then there were the calls "anyone awake? tracy? tracy? are you awake?" i stumbled in, yawning and wondering what the emergency is. "will you make dad a coffee and make me a cup of tea please? we're parched". reminding them that it was 4am didn't make any difference so i grumbled downstairs to make the drinks when my bro shouted downstairs "and bring me a biscuit up sis". gah.

i got back on sunday and have had a few hectic days at work, mostly spent dressed as a pirate, running around being horrible to the kids - brilliant!

tomorrow i'm back up to boro so that i can be with dad on friday when he gets the results of his ct scan to see if the cancer has spread and to find out what the course of action is.

i can honestly say that this is the scariest thing i have ever had to deal with. scarier than dealing with my divorce. scarier than dealing with my mom's suicide attempts. scarier than anything.

and so i'm around about but not really here, if you know what i mean. didn't really know what to write, but i guess an update was in order. i have been reading blogs but haven't been able to comment as any online time was bleary-eyed at 4am inbetween making someone a cup of tea and giving mom her medication.

love to you all and get well soon vibes to my bestest mate mcjj, diva, and of course, my dad. [::]

the kids are here! the kids are here! run for your lives!

they're quite, quite mad.

i

am

knackered

i've got a really nasty cold, my nose is dripping, my tongue is yellow and covered in blisters and my throat is sore. do they care? nuh-uh.

today we have been pirates, racing up and down the garden in eye patches and scarves.  i can't leave them for a second.  they've stuck their fingers in my dinner to see if it's hot, tried to brush my hair with a fork while asleep and poured lemonade into my jewellery box to feed an imaginary rabbit.   

tomorrow we are going to the bear factory. then, i sleep.

the house is a tip and the kids are mental. it's great

this not being able to breathe thing is not funny any more. not even a packet of fishermans friends has cleared any of it. my eyes are streaming too. you can only imagine the attractiveness...