cul's comfy corner

it's something i just can't kick.

i feel...happy

i can't explain it. i feel good.

it's very odd and i feel secretly guilty about it.

woohoo!

i'm also feeling much, much love for my internet buddy who got married this afternoon. hope it went well and that you guys are off somewhere having a grrrrrrrrrrreat time somewhere.

*sings* it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great...

had a bit of a brain drain today.  it was one of those days when everyone wanted a piece of me and it was infuriating.  i didn't get a minute to myself all day.  

unremarkably, towards the end of the day, i was on go-slow and i kept forgetting things.  as i walked out of the door, the secretary gave me an additional 3 jobs to do at home this evening and the head popped her head round the door and told me to go home and get some sleep as i was quite clearly exhausted.

before i came home, i popped into town to pick up a new duvet for my spare room.  as i walked to the store, i had a list of 100 things running through my head that i had to do this evening.  i got to the store in time, collected the duvet and made my way to the till to pay.  it was at that *exact* moment that my pin number escaped me.  ok, so it's not all bad, it's one of two things so i explained to the girl that i might get it wrong first time and she said i had three tries and not to worry.

so after 3 failed attempts, i left the store empty handed and drove home.  the wrong way.  had to try to find my way home without panicking too much and just about managed it without causing any major accidents.  got to ring the bank for a new pin number tomorrow.  not bad seeing as i only got this one last week.

i think i need an early night.... 

driving home along a busy road through the village today, i drove towards an old man standing at what i thought might be a bus stop. traffic was slow and so i glanced over at him and saw him step out from what must have been his driveway opposite a tree lined field.

something in his hand caught my eye. as i got closer, i saw that it was a dead rabbit being held by its feet and dangling down as the man chatted animatedly to a guy in a passing car.

saddened, i drove past him imagining him cooking the rabbit that evening for tea.

imagine my horror then when i saw the old man step out into the road and toss the dead rabbit into the overgrowth opposite his house before dusting his hands off and walking back into his house.

i felt sick. not only did he kill the poor little rabbit, it was all in vain because he threw it away like a piece of rubbish. what heinous crime had that little hopper committed? maybe it nibbled a carrot or two?

one carrot too many, it seems.

as my last classed passed on to a new teacher, i have a new group of adorable four year olds to fuss over. 

although i no longer teach 'wayne' we still have our moments that make me smile and giggle at the new kids, so i'll include them here and 'wayne' is reborn.

today brought a mixed bag of compliments and criticism from two of the kids.  the first one likes to sit in my teacher chair when she reads a book.  that's fine, so long as she gets out of it when i want to sit in it.  today she was feeling a liitle mischievous and stayed in it, grinning when i asked her to move.  i too was in a silly mood and so pretended that i hadn't seen her and was going to sit on top of her. 

i backed in carefully talking very loud about being glad that the girl had left my chair nice and warm when she shouted 'stop!' i duly stopped and pretended to be surprised to see her there and that made us and a few other children giggle. 

she sat next to me and leaned over to her friend and said 'woah, i thought she was gonna squash me with her big bum!'

*blush* 

the second comment was more complimentary.  i like to pretend that i'm really rubbish at things so that the kids can show me how good they are at them.  today, i told them i had been learning how to count properly all weekend and that i was going to count for everyone.  i asked the little fidgety boy to be the judge of how well i was doing as this helped to keep him focussed.  

i was being deliberately vacuous and with a big smile i counted '1, 2, 5, 9, eleventy, 634, 987, 42693, one gajillion' then i bowed.  the kids were creased up.  i turned to the new 'wayne' and asked him what he thought.

'i think you're cute' he said.

job done.  one million house points for that boy and a new action man for him tomorrow *grin* 

i was really knackered quite early last night.  i got up at 6am as i had a lot to get through and spent most of the day being very active and climbing and scrubbing as well as running errands, finishing with a late night chat with a friend i hadn't seen for ages.  i was understandably tired so i dragged my ass to bed at around 1am and fell immediately asleep.

until 2:30am

which, coincidentally the exact same time that the young girl next door came back from a club with her friends.  more that that though, they misguidedly thought that sitting out in the garden was a good idea.  the thing that pissed me off the most was that i was convinced i could hear a ladder being put up.  i was tired and not really with it and had spent all day wondering when the window cleaner was going to turn up all day and so when i heard the ladder going up, i shat myself that he'd come then at 3am!  yeah, stupid i know but i was tired.

i leaned out of the bedroom window to check that neither house was being burgled and when i saw the gaggled of drunken 16 year olds squealing in the garden, i yelled something about the wondow cleaner and pulled my window closed with a loud bang.  the last thing i remember was hearing 'windowcleaner?  is she on drugs?' in someone's dulcet tones as i drifted off to sleep... 

i've had a groovy day.  it's been great cleaning those hard to reach places, very cathartic.  but enough of the boring stuff.

my friend nina called in on me on friday to ask a favour.  she's been running a lot lately to try to keep fit and takes music with her wherever she goes.  thing is, her 12 year old daughter isn't best pleased because she's been nicking all of her music, even going so far as stealing her artic monkeys cd from her never to be seen again.

her daughter said some very harsh words and told her that she should start acting her age (37) and stop trying to be cool. so that's why she was at my place.  could i recommend some stuff for her to listen to?  of course, that's never a problem.  

what i thought i might do is make her a mix tape of sorts so that she's got some stuff of her own to run to.  she'll need something energetic and vibrant to keep her pounding the streets with some mellow stuff for her last few steps on the way home.

i'm thinking of including some stuff from the lashes, babyshambles, california oranges, copeland and maybe even a little teenage fanclub for shits and giggles. 

so, what's missing?  any suggestions?    

really know what's happened to me this past fortnight.

i've become a real tyrant.  well, where cleanliness is involved, anyways.

i've been scrubbing the house, making it even more sparkly.  i'd say i'm about 60% done now and it's looking really good.  when i say i'm scrubbing, i mean it.  i'm not just washing things and keeping things clean, i'm taking curtains down, emptying the cupboards and garage and dusting in all of those out of reach places.  i'd give kim and aggie a run for their money. 

i've been the same at work too.  i stayed late after school one day because i was annoyed at the state of the staffroom and so moved all of the furniture around, cleaned the fridge and freezer out, sorted through *thousands* of flyers and magazines and recycled what wasn't needed.  then i washed the table, labelled up all of the discarded lunchboxes, put the dishwasher on and collected the teatowels to take them home and wash them.  it looked grand.

but this is where the tyrant thing comes in.

i wouldn't let anyone leave so much as a fingerprint anywhere.  'if you put it straight in the bin, i don't have to pick it up later when you forget', 'the dishwasher is empty, you can put your mug in there instead of the sink...'

i turned into a right old nagging mofo.  

i've calmed down a bit now, thankfully. now that everyone's seen how lovely it looks when it's done, they're eager to keep it that way, for a while at least.  that's good news.

i guess it's my little way of keeping busy.  my mind is racing and whilst i'm sorting out my belongings, i'm sorting out my muddled mind after all of my recent life changes. 

so, time to get off here.  i've got some pressing business to attend to.  i've just washed my kitchen windows, scrubbed the surfaces and now i've got the floor to wash and ...

Wonder Woman 85% Spider-Man 75% Superman 75% Iron Man 70% Robin 60% Green Lantern 55% Batman 55% Hulk 55% Catwoman 50% The Flash 50% Supergirl 45%

You are a beautiful princess with great strength of character.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

gay clipart, now there's an innovation!

cruising for some pictures of families for a sheet i was making for the kids, i stumbled upon things like :

and

how cool is that?   

i'm stuffed

what a fat pig i am.  i've eaten a portion of lasagne, a green salad and a whole (healthy eating) garlic bread

i can't walk

someone roll me onto my side so i can get off this chair please... 

yee haw!

home, home on the raaaaange...

so, the hen night was raucous as expected.  there was no organised entertainment, as such.  apart from me and my foul mouth, that is.

trogging round middlesbrough town centre with 19 other cowgirls, i came to a very important realisation.  i never, EVER want to do that again.  i just hated every minute of the whole 'cattlemarket' atmosphere, everyone out on the pull, desperate to go home with a new mate.  yuck, no thanks.  not my style.  isn't now and never was.  if it weren't for the bride-to-be being a close friend of mine, i wouldn't have been there at all.  

eee by gum.  i'm getting old.

still, we made it fun with dares and dancing and alcomahol. then there was the having to be hoisted into a rather high taxi, falling out of it at the other end and the 4am text from another of the 'hens' reading: emergency - need chips!

it wasn't all bad though, there was one bonus to the night.  i got chatted up by scooby doo.  my little nephew was tremendously impressed when i told him...

when i thought long and hard about being single, i was worried that i'd be left hanging around the house on my own feeling lonely and unwanted.  i imagined scenes of me throwing myself into my work and being super-organised as there wouldn't be anyone around to nag me.

what has actually happened though, is that i am out at least 3 times a week now.  i'm decluttering the house and trying to squeeze in some work for school at the same time and so i'm run ragged.

i have no washing to do, the washing up has been done and everywhere downstairs is looking sparkly.  that's great, but once i wander upstairs, it's a different matter.  the place is a state since rob left as he emptied the loft all over the spare room and spilled out into the hallway and my office.  

my trouble now is that i don't have time to sort it out as i'm always out!  it's good trouble though.  who'd have thunk it?

this weekend, i'm back up in boro for a hen weekend.  we're being pink cowgirls.  oh, how original. *yawn* 

i'm off to town now.  i'm sorting my life out so i'm off to see the bank manager this afternoon, got an appointment with the dentist and have to buy an outfit for the hen weekend.  then it's back to work for a meeting, back home for a massive tidy up upstairs and an early night before driving up to boro after work tomorrow.

tired?  moi?   

feeling so very low today

work was hard and i had 101 complicated jobs to do as well.   i made a list and started going through them steadily, one by one.  none of them were very straightforward and of the ones i completed, they were very time consuming.

i was tired all day at work because i sat up all last night trying to get my head around my new financial situation. 

it's no lie that i'm feeling a little panicked my it all but, as i wrote letter after letter to the gas and electric people et al, i started to feel slightly more in control of my finances than i was this time last year. 

i'm worried about christmas.  how will i afford presents?  how will i be able to travel and see my family with no money for petrol?

i'm sure things will work themselves out, but there be hard times ahead, that's for sure. 

that was a bit of a weekend, i'm telling you!

i'd decided to visit my sister in luton last weekend so she could help me get my work sorted for school and so we could go out for dinner, give each other a manicure and all of those stupid things sisters do when they're together.

we started off with some shopping on saturday with my sister's fella tagging along.  when we got home,my mom rang to chat.  she told us that her sister had turned up as a surprise to see her all the way from belfast!  coolio!

as we sat around after the call wondering what to do next when my sister's fella said 'we should go see your mom and auntie'.  i jumped up and pulled my boots on as a joke to show i was eager - my mom lives 350 miles away.  my sister walked in and thought we were serious and got excited, so that was that.  we were off to boro!

what i thought was going to be a lazy saturday afternoon turned out to be 3 of us squashed into my little yaris, sitting on the m1 for 3 hours in the blazing heat.  not quite what i had in mind.

we arrived in middlesbrough around 6pm, introduced my sister's man to my aunt then spent the evening chatting with my mom, dad and aunt along with the rest of my family who turned up bit by bit.  the next morning, we jumped out of bed - or off the floor in my case - and back in the car and i drove us back home.  a 750 mile round trip in 24 hours.

'wow! you drove all of that way to see me!' my aunt exclaimed, 'i can't believe it'  

*grin* neither can i...

this going back to school lark is exhausting!

i've only been back at work for a week but already i can't get out of bed in the morning.  i'm so tired.  hope the kids are too.  i could really use a quiet day.

yeah, like that's gonna happen =D 

so, after a bit of moping around this evening, wondering how i am going to manage being single and feeling unloved, i decided it was time for a change.

i decided it was time to put my nervous energy to good use and declutter the house.  now, it's a new house, so it's not too bad, but it's been lived in by me for 2 years so it's not too good either.  

as you guys know, i always seem to do everything at breakneck speed and so i thought i'd tackle a room a night and have the house sorted by next week.

i started with my bedroom, somewhere i want to be my sanctuary.  i thought the best place to start was my wardrobe.  i have hundreds of clothes, my wardrobe was bursting out and my huge chest of drawers heaved under the sheer weight of stuff in there.  then there were the things i keep in the airing cupboard because everywhere else is still full...

how on earth do i ever get to the stage where i have nothing to wear?

anyways, i decided to clear out my wardrobe.  i was ruthless and made 5 piles.  smart clothes for parties and interviews, everyday clothes, ebay clothes, charity shop clothes and things for the bin.  every single thing came out of the cupboards and drawers.  only things i have worn since i moved in the house have been considered for keeping.

the result?

i have less than ten items in my wardrobe.

bugger.

now i am a single gal, i don't have the cash to replenish the stocks either, so i'm gonna have to 'suffer' for a little while until the cashflow sorts itself out and i can work out my finances.

of course, bringing everything out of my drawers and wardrobes means that, apart from the wardrobe, the bedroom looks like a bomb went off in there.   the bed is covered with cosmetics, books and knick-knacks and the floor littered with mountainous piles of clothing.  don't even get me started about the shoes.  that's tomorrow's project.

a room a night?  nuh-uh. 

wireless sack of shit!

when rob had suggested we go wireless last year i was more than a little sceptical but i trusted him and went for it anyways.  his was always fine, mine wasn't too bad in the beginning but just lately it's gone awol, which is pissing me off greatly.

i don't spend a tremendous amount of time online these days, but i do expect tobe able to get online when i want to.  grrr.  argh.

today, it went awol again.  i'd scheduled a list of activities to keep myself occupied this evening and thought i'd start with a little catch up of the blogs, but hey presto, the thing was dead.

i sat there for an hour trying all of the 'tricks' i'd picked up from watching rob try to fix it for me over the last few months.  i couldn't connect.  i couldn't repair the connection. i couldn't reconfigure the connection.  proxy, no proxy, new settings, everything i did came up blank. i even did the old reboot just in case.  not even leaving it for an hour and coming back to it worked.  nothing.  nada.  zip.

so i text rob.  i didn't want to, but it was making me crazy. 

'have you checked the box?  are the lights flashing on it?  if not, check the power cable or use that extra long cable i left under your desk to connect straight into the wall'

well duh.  of course the box wasn't working.  the power cable was dead.  i knew that*. i connected with the cable and whilst the house has a 20ft white cable running across the landing, at least i got online.  panic over. 

the sad thing about all of this is that it's just proven to me how reliant i have become on rob over the years.  that's something i have had to pull back from rather sharply since he left.  

and now i feel all alone.

bummer. 

* not actually true. 

number of children in tears: 1

number of children sick on me: 1

number of children covered head to toe in purple paint: 2

so, not bad for a first day =D

i have a new assistant today and she's been unbelievably excited about today.  she was almost worse than the kids.  at the end of the day she leaned over and said 'i can't believe i'm getting paid to play!'

we painted, we did puzzles, we played doctors and we made a chain that reached from one end of the room to the other.

and now i'm exhausted!  

not so bad for a tuesday.  roll on the next day... 

after a whole summer of galivanting, it was a bit of a culture shock to be back at work yesterday. still, i got loads done and the classroom looks superb!

the kids start today and i'm feeling really nervous! wonder what they'll be like?

i love the first day of school.  the parents all tearful, the kids in their new shiny shoes and school uniform.  aw. 

wish me luck =)

i am now a single woman

those of you who know me well, know that things between rob and i had been rocky for a while.  he had changed so very much and i had a really difficult time coming to grips with those changes.  he went from a full-on meat loving carnivore to a very strict vegan who spent *all* of his spare time with vegan groups campaigning for animal welfare.  his sudden lack of respect for the law and seeming desire to be arrested caused me many sleepless nights.

his change in attitude became the 'other woman' and i was left on the sidelines wondering what had happened to my marriage.  there was only one thing for it, something needed to be done.  and it was. 

between us we agreed that things weren't working terribly well and that we both felt that we'd given things our best shot over the years.  just how many times can one give things 'another go'?

and so that's that.  i'm alone in our house and rob has found somewhere else to live.  i am trying to deal with things as best i can with a little composure and hopefully things won't get too difficult.   we were together for a long time, 13 years in all and it has been so incredibly tough to deal with.  i feel like i'm in mourning.

my family and friends have been brilliant, as have those virtual friends who knew about my plight.  i'm sorry for just disappearing, but i simply couldn't face spilling my guts out on here.  i had to deal with it myself first.  i couldn't face the 'poor old cul/trace'  comments until i had my head screwed on straight.

so that's my news.  how are you all?