The new Beachhutman Blog - Beijing Olympics

Now I know we all carry a rather uninspired and flimsy EU-standard passport these days, instead of that nice blue book we used to have, the one that you could use as a weapon to defend yourselves in a bar brawl, but inside even this tatty little red book it does actually still say (Her Maj not having yet been totally replaced by an Emperor from Brussels) it does actually that the local chaps at the British High Commission, Embassy or Consulate will generally pull out all the stops to locate you if you get yourself lost or locked up. Assuming they have some idea tat you are there in the first place, natch.

So if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. But not until they've let you into the US. And if you're going to the Beach Volleyball in Chaoyang Park (Come on, you tried for tickets, you know you did) then it makes sense to tell the local Consular chaps at least that you are in China. You can do it here

Otherwise, it could be weeks before someone at the British Embassy reads about your predicament in the China Daily, and then it will only say "A British Tourist was arrested last month in ...."

Standing in the heat at Sanlitun,
Trying to get to "Tree" for a beer.
The man with the socks said, "You need pair of black sir?".
You know I didn't even give him a glance.

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbeque me.

Finally made the cab go to Gongti,
Tailgating all down the lane.
The Boss called to say,
"If you do it O.K.,
We can get contracts in Shanghai or in Spain".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Made a lightning trip down to Guomao,
Eating hot pot down by the rink
The waiters all said, "It’s pork, and it’s dead
But looks just like real beef with a drink ".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Cabbed from Chaoyang to the Capital Airport,
Covering my eyes all the way

The check-ins just said, “Did you pack this yourself?”
I said, "’I'm only trying to get on my way".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Caught that early plane back to Schipol.
Forty thousand feet in the air
The cabin crew staff said,, "On economy fare,
With some luck you’ll see your luggage again".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Good to see you all, and really pleased that so many people in so many places hit my blog. I'll try to maintain the standard..... OK, I will try to IMPROVE the standard! There are at least as many further locations that are mostly just showing up as "United Kingdom" because you are using non-geographical servers, like, Pol.co.uk ? THAT gave me a turn I can tell you. Anyway, if you're missing, let me know.

Alfortville, France- Alicante , Spain - Arvada, Colorado, US- Austin, Texas, US - Aylesbury, UK. (Duck or grouse?) Bad Ems, Germany Banbury, Oxford, England - Bankok, Thailand - Barcelona, Spain- Basingstoke, Hants, England- Baton Rouge, Lousianna, US - Beijing, China- Bergen, Norway- Berlin, Germany Besancon, France- Bogota, Columbia- Boondall, Queensland, AUS- Boston, Ma, US- Bremen, Germany (DMTS)- Brisbane, Queensland, US- Bristol, England- Cairo, Egypt (salaam Wa Likum)- Calgary, Canada (Ms Chic, mmmm?)- Canberra,. Australia- Cardiff, Wales, UK - Chicago, Illiois, USA- Clifton, New Jersey, US - Coacalco, Mexico - Coalville, Leicestershire, England- Columbus, Ohio, US- Cudahy, Wisconsin, US- Culman, Alabama, US- Denholm, Scottish Borders- Denver, Colorado, US - Derry, Ulster - Draveil, Ile-de-France, Paris- Durham, England (Kim?)- El Paso, Texas, US- Enumclaw, Washington, US (not DC)- Eslv, Skane Lan, Sweden - Fallingbostal, Germany- Fgura, Malta (Keef halak?)- Fort Sill, Oklahoma, US - Frome, Somerset, England- Galashiels Scotland (That'll NOT be the knitting witch queen of north Britain then)- Ganda, Spain- Gdansk, Poland- Genova, Italy - Gig Harbour, Washington, US- Gillingham, Dorset, England- Gloucester, UK- Halifax, England - Hershey, Pennsylvania, US - Hong Kong Central (nin Hao)- Horsham, west Suffolk, England - Houston, Texas, US - Ipswich, Suffolk, England- (Melody?) Jan (Jaen?) AndalUS-ia, Spain (that may be Nina?)- Jnkping, Jonkopings Lan, Sweden - Kasukabe, Saitama,` Japan- Katrineholm, Sodermanlands Lan, Sweden Kingston Nova Scotia, Canada- Krk Croatia- Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia- La Quinta, Ca, US- Lafayette, Indiana, US - Lawton, Oklahoma, US - Leeds, England- Legans, Spain - Lisbon Portugal - Liverpool, UK London, England- Long Beach, Ca, US (Say hi to the Rock Bottom microbrewery on Pine and Ocean for me will you? It was the place I learned that the US-A CAN make better beer than Bud and Miller!) - Loughton , Essex, England - Lule, Sweden - Madrid, Spain - Manchester New Hampshire, US - Manises, Valenciana, Spain- Mansfield, Notts, England- Mauritius- Medina de Campo, Spain- Metaerie, Louisiana, US - Modesto, California, US - Moscow, Russian Federation- Moulineaux, Haute-Normandie, France- New Delhi, India- New York, USA - Northwich, Cheshire, England- Oberstetten , Germany - Oklahoma City, US- Okotoks, Alberta, Canada- Oldham, England- Oslo, Norway - Oxford, England- Parkes, NSW, Australia- Pelotas, Brazil,- Perth, Perth and Kinross, Scotland- Prague, Czech Republic - Quincy, Illinois, US- Reigate, Surrey, UK- Republic of Korea- Riverside, Rhode Island, US- Riyadh, Saudi Arabia- Rochester, New York USA - Rotenberg, Germany- Rugby, England- Ruovesi, Finland- Salisbury, UK- San Diego, California, US (Hi Robert?)- San Jose, Ca, US- Santiago, Chile (That was Yarb, that was, building up the ol' carbon footprint for the year)- Saudi Arabia (proxy)- Sheffield England- Shenzen, PR China- Singapore, Singapore- Sleaford, Lincolnshire, England - Slough, UK (Come, friendly Bombs?) - Sundsvall, Vasternorrlands Lan, Sweden - Sunnyvale, California, US- Switzerland- Sydney NSW, Australia - Tacoma, Washington, US- Taipei, Taiwan- Tarbes, France- Tempe, Arizona, USA - Tewkesbury, Mass, US- Tilberg, NL (Robert T? is that you? )- United Arab Emirates- Vancouver, Canada- Victoria BC, Canada- Vienna, Austria (Not Heather)- Vilvoorde, Brabant, Belgium- Wakefield, England-- Washington DC, US- Watford, UK (Nice to see you Dwight )- Winter park, Florida, US- (Sallie, nice of you to drop in)- Wolverhampton, England (What ho Chaotic)- Wrexham, Wales (Jennyta)- Yeovil, Somerset, England-- York, England- Zaandam, Netherlands

Outside my office block they've torn down the old precinct signs, and replaced them with a big new high-tec sign that displays the news of the day in flashing LED lights, and does all that temeperature and time stuff. Light pollution.

And like most Beijing public LED displays, it counts down the days to the Olympics. It's 91 days.

Where are we? Well, by the end of this month the new north south Subway lines will open, the lines to the airport and olympic stadia will open during July, and with luck all roadworks will be finished. Hotels have been redecorated, hoardings have gone up around the uglier building sites, roads have been built, and in our own way, our partners have been training the staff at the bank of communications to ask "Could I see your cheque book please?" The taxi drivers are all now pretty good at "Bye Bye", if not much else. I have met no ATM machine that doesn't use English, and even the local restaurant now has a minimal English language menu.

The censors however are all in a tiz; they promised to unblock a lot of the stuff they used to block, and the BBC news pages come through now, but the can't keep up with the churn, and websites unblocked one day are reblocked the next, or the blocking servers in central Beijing are blocking stuff the north east servers are letting through and vice versa. It's only irritating, because we can all get around the blocks anyway, but it will cause visitors to take home loads more bad tales and misleading beliefs about the country.

Other side effects are inevitable. New warning signs have gone up, telling foreigners (me) to register with the Police if they are not in an hotel. In an effort to make sure that most of the foreigners in Beijing are only tourists, and LEAVING after the games, a lot of people have had their Visa renewals turned down, and told to go home and re-apply This is a bit rough on people employed here, many of whom have been here for years, have apartments here but not i "their country" and have contractual committments to Chinese companies. It's probably just that the same pre-games tightening process is being applied across the board. But it's silly; the long term residents are part of Beijing's resource. We are the ones who can help the lost tourist on the corner (I have done this several times already) or tell the visitors in the bar that it's not all grilled rat, yoomin rites, and industrial pollution. One of my colleagues wrote quite a good piece for the english language press abroad about how the Chinese see Tib  et, which is not all about rampant  imperialism at all.

Me, I am leaving anyway just ahead of my 90 days visa expiry, and will be back about 10 days before the games start, if all goes to plan. I was lucky to have a multiple re-entry visa granted earlier this year, and to get a flight well before the big rush, although even I have had to fly through Stockholm to get back.

Will I notice the games effect ? I won't be going, if that's what you mean - I find sport boring. I only expect it will affect me by making a cab near my office much harder to flag down. Literally just down the road is the ultra modern, architecturally amazing, Olympic Media centre, which will be full of drinking, dining, and , I suppose, working, journos. (You see, to show you what a fabulous building it is, I was going to post a picture, but the censors have blocked Google image searches for it. "Foot, themself, in, shooting."