The New Beachhutman Blog

OK, so I borrow a catchphrase from a show I detest. I've never even found it approaching mild humour, much less the rip-roaring laugh a minute hilarity that addicts claim it to be. But I stray.

Of late I have become sufficiently confident of (a) my Chinglish and (b) my ability to determinedly read my book through anything, that I have taken to getting into the front seat of Beijing taxis, which marks one out as being a resident instead of a cowering tourist, and tends to create a better relationship with the driver, as it is easier to scream "TING JIELI !" and point frantically from the front seat just as he is about to whiz past your destination in the outside lane of a crowded three lane road than to lean over from the back and say, "I say, my qood man, but would you mind pulling over ?". 

Today I took another major step. It was time - in fact over time - to collect my new linen suit from Helen's Tailors. I'd had one made before I went to Europe, and was so pleased with it I'd ordered another on the spot to await my return.It was ready. I agreed to go with MM, who acts as my interpreter in matters of the cloth (joke). I had made it pretty clear that I was not going to walk from Dongsi shitaio to Sanlitun on an August afternoon, and we went down to get a cab, when MM said, "We could just get a bus".

Now long standing readers will recall that I have caught a bus on three other occasions ......... in the last eight  years of blogging. Once when I had to take my former car for a service, twice when I had to meet someone in Harrogate for a few drinks and the train station was a longer walk. In other words, I don't do buses.

But I have been looking at the Beijing buses, because the alternatives are: 

• Walk, impractical for most distances I need to cover, especially in Summer
• Taxi, which at present is difficult, on account of the bloody olympics
• Subway, which is always far too hot and crowded, and because of the bloody olympics subject to security problems 

But I said, and I still hear myself saying it, "Yes, OK, you lead" because never having taken one I had no idea what to do. I mean, "what to do", because I have several times hovered at a stop, watching, and thought about it, but you see, it's in Chinese, and I don't do buses, and, well, I'm just timid I guess. (Stop laughing at the back.)

So MM spied a 115 bus, and we headed for the front door to get on, where I touched the card reader with my subway card (I'd watched that happen furtively on my bus research) and it went "Beep", and MM popped a 1 kuia note (13 US cents) into the box by the driver, and we went off across Dongsi shitaio bridge, and up Gongti past the Workers Stadium, with the bus announcements were in English and Chinese at each stop, telling us where we were.  Piece of piss really, just as I knew it would be. (What are YOU giggling at? )

We got off at Sanlitun Yashow, and talked about whether indeed that 115 went all the way to our part of the sticks, 'cos it could be useful, and just went to look at the bus stop list on the stop.  I said, "Yes, look, Shilipu Lu" and MM said " and Qingnian Lu next!", which is our street, and as we went down the road to the tailors I suddenly realised we had just read the stops in Chinese,m and vertical Chinese at that. "Well bugger me!" I thought, feeling a bit proud, and just a bit more like a Beijinger.

The suit was excellent, perfect fit, fabulous, and I happily paid up. It worked out at 70 Euro. I asked them to get me some blue seersucker from their suppliers for a jacket. Oh, and to see if they have some pink too. I'm feeling pretty up today.