The new Beachhutman Blog - Beijing Olympics

OK, I know it, without telecoms I couldn't do the job, wouldn't be here, couldn't contemplate moving to Spain. Never ever will I knock IT and telecoms, (just as I will never knock pharmaceuticals; I could be dead if it hadn't been for Prozac).

And secretly I love it. Hey, look. Today at 8.00 I was exchanging tasks and files with the office in Beijing from my spare bedroom in the East Riding of Yorkshire. England. As a result of telecoms I can do my job wherever in the world I am. I was able, because of telecoms, to ask a Spanish law firm to form a new company in Gibraltar on behalf of my partners in Beijing, also from my spare bedroom in the East Riding of Yorkshire, and to orer three business books from the USA, and send my ex wife chocolates or a forgotten birthday. My colleague in China told me online his contact in Spain had bought me a SIM card and was sending it. Later I had a two hour conference call on Skype with a partner in Shanghai, a prohibitive cost were we using landlines. Then a chat with the client in Holland, and a file transfer from China redirected to The Hague for next weeks work. And do other stuff. Then another long call with - I'm sorry, but it's true - my publisher, who after the great success (envisioned) for the Bluffers Guide to Life Coaching, wants me to revise their guide to China......

NEVER knock the IT, it's worth every penny.

BUT.

It's ten at night and I am still on the lappy, 14 hours.....

Well, I have big feet you see.

A week or so ago on Chaoyang lu, I noticed the display of shoes in Ito Yokado, and as they were 99 RMB (about seven quid) and quite nice, I asked if they had a pair to fit me.

“San She Wu?” I asked (45). The sales girls fell about. I grinned, and showed them my feet. They didn’t quite say “Bloody hell”, but close to it. Needless to say they didn’t have any my size.

It is much the same with trousers and shirts. For shirts I am XXXL in China, and I occasionally manage to get one. For trousers I am a (snug) 36 in UK, but have to buy a 40 in China, and then only if I can find that size.

So one of the absurdities of my life is that I have to come back to UK to buy clothes and shoes that were made in China anyway. Fortunately the buying power of Matalan is such that I only pay twice what I would do in China – were I able to get the sizes. Yesterday therefore took me to Doncaster, and to Matalan in that town. Where I was surprised to discover they now have a woman outside the changing room area counting how many items you take in, and then how many you bring back out. It took me a while to work out why. But then, my “home” Matalan is at Harrogate…..

The house is chaotic. I know I have loads of time to pack up and get out after the trip to Holland, but naturally I am fussing, and doing stuff. Yesterday my chest of drawers left, to a Freecycler. I am filling boxes everywhere.

Good news was that my girl thinks she will be graduating on time despite all, and then is coming out to see me in China in September / October. I’d better start planning, but only after this summer of chaos.

I’m also enjoying my pub. I shall miss it.

The new Haircut

It's a problem. I really should learn Chinese for "Not too short, take it off the collar, no I don't have any particular style, but it shouldn't look like it was cut with a basin, look, just do the best you can and don't make me look like a Taiwanese pop star". Babelfish tells me its, "这是问题。我应该真正地学会中文为"不太短, 采取它衣领, 没有我没有任何特殊样式, 但是它不应该看如它用水池被削减了, 神色, 竭尽全力您能和不做我看起来象一位台湾流行音乐明星" but I don't quite trust it.

Anyway, THAT was a flight! Late takeoff, and a missed connection, meant that by the time I got through my door I had been travelling 23 hours. Jet lagged good, I then woke at five on day one of the Summer of Change. To work. You may omit the next paragraph!

{So it was online to office in Beijing, catching up; call with trainer about course in Holland; calls to Landlord, gas, mail divert, turn off bank statements, electric, telecoms, insurance, council tax, etc. to cancel supplies.call on Neighbours;Haircut; buy tripod at Argos to go with my new Birding Scope;Go to Thomas Cook, buy ferry tickets (Do you know, if you have a Thomas Cook Visa card, they give you cash back and you can use this against travel bookings made through Thomas Cook - and any currency you buy there? As a result, my cross channel overnight sailing from Harwich to Hook of Holland - for the big adventure in July - was almost free to me);back to work for a few hours;Go to Pub, nice to see them all;Food;Bed by eight (jet lagged still, woke at five again) }

The big planning for me is the luggage for my first trip to Spain in early JUne, the luggage for my trip to Holland in late June, the luggage for the course in the Lake district and the week in Cambridge, the luggage for my trip to Spain by road in July, and not getting them (a) mixed up and (b) ending up with a car totally full to drive out to Spain!

Right. I am off to throw away some olod suits! I have a new one for the summer - a splendid English styled Linen Suit - and was so pleased with it when I collected it in China that I am replacing all my old suits with a few new, made to measure ones. At sixty of our weakened English pounds for a tailor-made suit, wouldn't you?

Thanks to all the people who enquired, I was about 30,000 feet over the earthquake on my way back to Europe when the quake hit. Apparently they felt it in the office in Beijing, but we have no families lost or affected on the staff.

Standing in the heat at Sanlitun,
Trying to get to "Tree" for a beer.
The man with the socks said, "You need pair of black sir?".
You know I didn't even give him a glance.

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbeque me.

Finally made the cab go to Gongti,
Tailgating all down the lane.
The Boss called to say,
"If you do it O.K.,
We can get contracts in Shanghai or in Spain".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Made a lightning trip down to Guomao,
Eating hot pot down by the rink
The waiters all said, "It’s pork, and it’s dead
But looks just like real beef with a drink ".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Cabbed from Chaoyang to the Capital Airport,
Covering my eyes all the way

The check-ins just said, “Did you pack this yourself?”
I said, "’I'm only trying to get on my way".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Caught that early plane back to Schipol.
Forty thousand feet in the air
The cabin crew staff said,, "On economy fare,
With some luck you’ll see your luggage again".

Christ you know it ain't easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going
They're going to barbecue me.

Good to see you all, and really pleased that so many people in so many places hit my blog. I'll try to maintain the standard..... OK, I will try to IMPROVE the standard! There are at least as many further locations that are mostly just showing up as "United Kingdom" because you are using non-geographical servers, like, Pol.co.uk ? THAT gave me a turn I can tell you. Anyway, if you're missing, let me know.

Alfortville, France- Alicante , Spain - Arvada, Colorado, US- Austin, Texas, US - Aylesbury, UK. (Duck or grouse?) Bad Ems, Germany Banbury, Oxford, England - Bankok, Thailand - Barcelona, Spain- Basingstoke, Hants, England- Baton Rouge, Lousianna, US - Beijing, China- Bergen, Norway- Berlin, Germany Besancon, France- Bogota, Columbia- Boondall, Queensland, AUS- Boston, Ma, US- Bremen, Germany (DMTS)- Brisbane, Queensland, US- Bristol, England- Cairo, Egypt (salaam Wa Likum)- Calgary, Canada (Ms Chic, mmmm?)- Canberra,. Australia- Cardiff, Wales, UK - Chicago, Illiois, USA- Clifton, New Jersey, US - Coacalco, Mexico - Coalville, Leicestershire, England- Columbus, Ohio, US- Cudahy, Wisconsin, US- Culman, Alabama, US- Denholm, Scottish Borders- Denver, Colorado, US - Derry, Ulster - Draveil, Ile-de-France, Paris- Durham, England (Kim?)- El Paso, Texas, US- Enumclaw, Washington, US (not DC)- Eslv, Skane Lan, Sweden - Fallingbostal, Germany- Fgura, Malta (Keef halak?)- Fort Sill, Oklahoma, US - Frome, Somerset, England- Galashiels Scotland (That'll NOT be the knitting witch queen of north Britain then)- Ganda, Spain- Gdansk, Poland- Genova, Italy - Gig Harbour, Washington, US- Gillingham, Dorset, England- Gloucester, UK- Halifax, England - Hershey, Pennsylvania, US - Hong Kong Central (nin Hao)- Horsham, west Suffolk, England - Houston, Texas, US - Ipswich, Suffolk, England- (Melody?) Jan (Jaen?) AndalUS-ia, Spain (that may be Nina?)- Jnkping, Jonkopings Lan, Sweden - Kasukabe, Saitama,` Japan- Katrineholm, Sodermanlands Lan, Sweden Kingston Nova Scotia, Canada- Krk Croatia- Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia- La Quinta, Ca, US- Lafayette, Indiana, US - Lawton, Oklahoma, US - Leeds, England- Legans, Spain - Lisbon Portugal - Liverpool, UK London, England- Long Beach, Ca, US (Say hi to the Rock Bottom microbrewery on Pine and Ocean for me will you? It was the place I learned that the US-A CAN make better beer than Bud and Miller!) - Loughton , Essex, England - Lule, Sweden - Madrid, Spain - Manchester New Hampshire, US - Manises, Valenciana, Spain- Mansfield, Notts, England- Mauritius- Medina de Campo, Spain- Metaerie, Louisiana, US - Modesto, California, US - Moscow, Russian Federation- Moulineaux, Haute-Normandie, France- New Delhi, India- New York, USA - Northwich, Cheshire, England- Oberstetten , Germany - Oklahoma City, US- Okotoks, Alberta, Canada- Oldham, England- Oslo, Norway - Oxford, England- Parkes, NSW, Australia- Pelotas, Brazil,- Perth, Perth and Kinross, Scotland- Prague, Czech Republic - Quincy, Illinois, US- Reigate, Surrey, UK- Republic of Korea- Riverside, Rhode Island, US- Riyadh, Saudi Arabia- Rochester, New York USA - Rotenberg, Germany- Rugby, England- Ruovesi, Finland- Salisbury, UK- San Diego, California, US (Hi Robert?)- San Jose, Ca, US- Santiago, Chile (That was Yarb, that was, building up the ol' carbon footprint for the year)- Saudi Arabia (proxy)- Sheffield England- Shenzen, PR China- Singapore, Singapore- Sleaford, Lincolnshire, England - Slough, UK (Come, friendly Bombs?) - Sundsvall, Vasternorrlands Lan, Sweden - Sunnyvale, California, US- Switzerland- Sydney NSW, Australia - Tacoma, Washington, US- Taipei, Taiwan- Tarbes, France- Tempe, Arizona, USA - Tewkesbury, Mass, US- Tilberg, NL (Robert T? is that you? )- United Arab Emirates- Vancouver, Canada- Victoria BC, Canada- Vienna, Austria (Not Heather)- Vilvoorde, Brabant, Belgium- Wakefield, England-- Washington DC, US- Watford, UK (Nice to see you Dwight )- Winter park, Florida, US- (Sallie, nice of you to drop in)- Wolverhampton, England (What ho Chaotic)- Wrexham, Wales (Jennyta)- Yeovil, Somerset, England-- York, England- Zaandam, Netherlands

Outside my office block they've torn down the old precinct signs, and replaced them with a big new high-tec sign that displays the news of the day in flashing LED lights, and does all that temeperature and time stuff. Light pollution.

And like most Beijing public LED displays, it counts down the days to the Olympics. It's 91 days.

Where are we? Well, by the end of this month the new north south Subway lines will open, the lines to the airport and olympic stadia will open during July, and with luck all roadworks will be finished. Hotels have been redecorated, hoardings have gone up around the uglier building sites, roads have been built, and in our own way, our partners have been training the staff at the bank of communications to ask "Could I see your cheque book please?" The taxi drivers are all now pretty good at "Bye Bye", if not much else. I have met no ATM machine that doesn't use English, and even the local restaurant now has a minimal English language menu.

The censors however are all in a tiz; they promised to unblock a lot of the stuff they used to block, and the BBC news pages come through now, but the can't keep up with the churn, and websites unblocked one day are reblocked the next, or the blocking servers in central Beijing are blocking stuff the north east servers are letting through and vice versa. It's only irritating, because we can all get around the blocks anyway, but it will cause visitors to take home loads more bad tales and misleading beliefs about the country.

Other side effects are inevitable. New warning signs have gone up, telling foreigners (me) to register with the Police if they are not in an hotel. In an effort to make sure that most of the foreigners in Beijing are only tourists, and LEAVING after the games, a lot of people have had their Visa renewals turned down, and told to go home and re-apply This is a bit rough on people employed here, many of whom have been here for years, have apartments here but not i "their country" and have contractual committments to Chinese companies. It's probably just that the same pre-games tightening process is being applied across the board. But it's silly; the long term residents are part of Beijing's resource. We are the ones who can help the lost tourist on the corner (I have done this several times already) or tell the visitors in the bar that it's not all grilled rat, yoomin rites, and industrial pollution. One of my colleagues wrote quite a good piece for the english language press abroad about how the Chinese see Tib  et, which is not all about rampant  imperialism at all.

Me, I am leaving anyway just ahead of my 90 days visa expiry, and will be back about 10 days before the games start, if all goes to plan. I was lucky to have a multiple re-entry visa granted earlier this year, and to get a flight well before the big rush, although even I have had to fly through Stockholm to get back.

Will I notice the games effect ? I won't be going, if that's what you mean - I find sport boring. I only expect it will affect me by making a cab near my office much harder to flag down. Literally just down the road is the ultra modern, architecturally amazing, Olympic Media centre, which will be full of drinking, dining, and , I suppose, working, journos. (You see, to show you what a fabulous building it is, I was going to post a picture, but the censors have blocked Google image searches for it. "Foot, themself, in, shooting."

I think it's a version of Parkinsons law, you know "Work expands to fill the time available".

Over the years I've noticed that as an end point approaches, be it half term, Christmas, or - as in this case - the end of the 90- day Visa period, work accelerates to an insane degree. We used to ask ourselves when I was in Leeds, "Why the hell do so many people want things done in the weeks running up to Christmas ?"

It always happens here too. So this week, before I fly out on Monday for several weeks, we have had the pressure piling on. Deadlines and Dinners, tasks and to do lists. People that have to be fitted in, new stuff that has to be done. It's more than "tidying the desk". As a result, tonight I'm knackered.

But the other side of the coin is stress, not only the job, the impending deadlines, the departure, and the hellish summer schedule, including the move to Spain. As a result, this morning I was wide awake with stress at 5.00, having had under five hours sleep, and after a few minutes knew I had to give up, get up, and do some work. Y the end of today I fell asleep in the cab going home. Which short nap took the edge off, so now I can't sleep. I shall use Brandy, the expensive quid-a-bottle stuff. For medicinal purposes, you understand.

(Also, the bloody Great Firewall of China is being PARTICULARLY tiresome at present. It doen't actually stop anyone getting to web pages, but it does make it tiresomely slow. Soddit)

So at some stage during the piss up (aka civilised post-work bevy) at the Mississippi recently, Nick said he knew a decent tailor, and could get him to make me one for about 800 Kwai (look it up) I decided to do the deed. So after work today, in the company of my Chinese speaking colleague Zhou Shu Ren Parson  I made my way to the Yashow Market in nearby San Li Tun, where he did on my behalf obtain me a made to measure linen suit, delivery three days, for 700 Kwai. Fantastic, and exactly what I wanted.

The only mildly pissing off thing about it was - and I know he's been here 13 years, is a performer, actor, entertainer, author and teacher - I felt totally inferior. There he was in the basement of the market (I also needed a suitcase) making jokes, playing magic tricks with the shopgirls, handking out cards, (I think they may have known him anyway, for he's been on TV here a fair bit) haggling mightily but good naturedly, and I can just about manage "How much is it?" and Kwai numbers to a thousand. 

When I have cracked the Spanish, I really MUST apply myself to the Chinese.  But it's still eluding me. I mean, since the end of last week I have been trying to tell people about my walk in Ping Fang park - and NO one has yet understood me. I can't even order a beer without puzzled looks. I am unable to understand what I am doing wrong. It is so infuriating - I am tempted to "do a Brit", and just  speak English loudly.

For which a linen suit seems a fine garment.