RoyII

It doesn't take Carol Vorderman to find the answer to the question that will be winging it's way very shortly towards you.

  Not boverred!

In fact, I don't think this scenario would ever make it onto 'Countdown'! It certainly is an interesting philosophical proposition though, which is as follows:

What do you call an unstoppable natural force that, once started, leaves a trail of ruin and devastation in its wake?

The answer is simple - it is my reaction to drinking a much loved liquor that we will call 'Baileys'. I had better say now that this stems from a very  unfortunate teenage experience where I ended up drinking way to much of the stuff, and without going into too much detail, the end result involved puking that makes those legendry scenes on 'The Exorcist' look like a walk in the park! To cut a long storey short I found this youthful misadventure highly traumatic, and to this day I have never been able to drink it again for fear of provoking that powerful, involuntary gut reflex that wrecked such havoc so many years ago.

These memories were once more bought into sharp focus when a friend of a friend suggested going to see a band at a bar in Surbiton, which takes place towards the latter part of next week. She had some free tickets, so I agreed to go along, but there are a couple of things that I am not altogether too enamoured about. The first is something that has always been a bug bear of mine - this bar is apparently a bit 'upmarket', and experience has shown that the type of clientele that this image panders to tend to fall under the generic term of 'Dick Head'. The second is a much more real and present danger - this place specialises in cocktails, and many cocktails use as a base....yes you've guessed it...Baileys!

Now since there is a good chance of some of the cocktails being given for free, and since precious little else may be on offer to drink, the statistical probability of me consuming some Bailys is quite high, which means in turn that the potential for projectile vomit type disaster is definitely on the cards! 

From what I can see, my options are as follows:

1) Refuse to drink anything offered, which looks stupid, childish and churlish.

2) Wear some vomit coloured cloths to try and blend in.

Since the bar has already been newly refurbished, I don't think the owners would really appreciate some personal pebble dashing either. If you hear about a tsunami in the Surbiton area you'll know what happened!

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Posted by: Roy2    in: My entries

Modified on October 26, 2008 at 7:34 PM

The soreness in my arms and legs, the twinges in my lower back were all telling me one thing - it was time to go home.

The Squash Round Robin had indeed taken it's toll - the evening (which I helped to organise) had gone well as over ten people had turned up, but the double edge to this was that I spent loads of time on the squash courts, so I guess the resultant aches and pains meant that I was a victim of my own success.

A simple, but cunning plan for the rest of the evening had formed in my mind as I walked back to my car. The idea was just to crash out in front of the TV - to watch 'News Night' with a couple of beers, so with renewed purpose, I fired up the Rovers engine into life, and made a bee line towards New Malden. I was just approaching the Fountain Roundabout when I discovered a slight flaw in my master plan - I was completely out of beer! An emergency code red situation if there ever was one. It was time for plan B - I took the second exit on the roundabout and headed up Burlington Road. It was a case of destination Tescos.

One handy thing about Tescos, New Malden is that it literally stays open all night Monday to Friday. I have heard a few tales about late night shopping. According to legend, it is the retail equivalent of the night buses - all of the worlds nutters get an urge to suddenly unite in one great loony convention. There was no evidence of anything unusual afoot that night as I walked the aisles, basket in hand. At 9.25 pm, it was probably just a bit too early for them.

 food of the gods

I followed my pre-programmed path to the aisle in the beer section, and just as I loaded my basket with two four packs of beer, a flash of colour on a display at the far end of the store caught my eye. It turned out to be...crisps. Suddenly feeling hungry, I investigated some other nearby aisles. Two tubes of Pringles were added to my basket. As I walked back down the store back towards the checkout I saw a palette holding Pot Noodles. It had been months since I last had one of those....three more additions were made to my shopping basket, which was now feeling heavy as I continued to scour the shelves on a brand new quest for Mini Rolls. I looked at my watch - it was 10pm! Common sense finally kicked in - I abandoned the search and went straight over to the tills.

By the time I got home I really needed one of those pints!

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Posted by: Roy2    in: My entries

Modified on October 12, 2008 at 12:04 AM