Hemorrhage

they're in the woods
they're in the cliff
they're in the beach
in the skies
they're hiding in the clouds.

they're in the smoke
flickering everytime you puff
they're in the bottles
when you start to drink it up.

they're in the song
that you tried to sing
they're in the sheets
when we burrow down to sleep.

they are in your eyes
when they're looking at me
they are in your eyes
when they're staring at me.

and you'll take me there with you
and you will hide me there with you.

the boat docked past 11am, saturday. as soon as i arrived to the pier, i rushed to ax's place and asked for his number, hihi. good thing's my brother fetched me so i dont have to pay for the ride. i dont have to feel ashame asking for his number again. after all, we were old buddies way back in college. ;-p

i was standing by his door, calling his name. i can tell he just got up naked from his bed sleeping. i can see how he pulled that pants and shirt as he opened the door. yep, there was no girlfriend. heh.

then we got drunk that night. i cant forget it.

12 years ago, we were 17s. goddamn, that was sooo long ago. but i feel those years. just like we were 17s. :-(

ive a new phone and number now. tomorrow im going home. i wanted to text him but i lost his number and no one i know knows his number. i dont want to sound so giddy about seeing him again. i dont want to just go to his house without me texting him first. what if he has a girlfriend? what if she's there? what will i do? should i just ask for his number and go away?

*sigh*

 lonely, lonely rainy night..

my parent's complaining about my being palahubog or palainum. i admit, ive been drinking a lot these days. but i dont have any thing better to do that makes me happy than drinking beer with my friends! now, i dont easily get drunk. beer tastes like water to me! hahaha!

and i thought i can minimize drinking! want to rehab myself! :-(

this morning on my way to the office, i lost my phone. someone took it from my pocket. i wasnt aware of his pickpocketing. and i wasnt too sad about it because i dont like the keypads anyway. hmpf. but i lost some of the important contact numbers, esp. ax's.

good thing's im going to buy a new one through pina's credit card. but it's a waste of money. graaahhh.

i want to go home but then i dont want to go home. then ive just realised that i want a new home. free from worries. free from all of them. 

cant even elaborate. it's too painful. 

i honestly do not want to go back here in Cebu. but i dont want to go home all the time. was it too deceiving? i saw his eyes. it kept on looking at me. it made me want to melt. and i feel safe. and i feel home. and i feel comfort. *sigh*

what is it really? or maybe im assuming too much. this is crazy.

ive made few good male close friends. starting off with W to C to J to D and now, to J and each of them, one by one, they all got married or is about to be married. aside from having their girlfriends pregnant, why is it that marriage is their next step? GRR. im losing all of them. i dont get to hang out with them anymore, just like the old times. why is it like that???

and now, it all boils down to questioning myself, am i not the marrying kind? or am i baog? hahahahaha you wished im joking!