he viewed my friendster page this morning. so i sent him a message which says,
"i know you. you're the guy who drinks beer every morning after work."

with that little note from me, i know it will make him smile.

when i woke up, my plan changed. i dont really have to tell him. i wanted to but i dont really want to. im just glad i didnt spill anything. some people do not appreciate honesty and i think they're not worth of telling them anything anymore. i was asking something what he would think if the girl tells a guy she likes him. and he replied, "some things are better left unsaid. if you know it wont make any difference, then its better to just shut up."

end of story.

it was almost 3am. i couldnt sleep earlier because later that evening i had a very strong coffee. i should have not stayed awake longer. ive been wanting myself to sleep before i could think of anything strainuous and stupid. i know i still have to rise up early so i will not be late again. waking up too early is slowly killing me.

so, i laid down. hoping sleep will come. ive been thinking a lot of things. i was planning of telling you something ive been wanting to tell. just have to loosen some thoughts curling lazily around my chaotic head. start sorting things out, thinking what i should say first before you freak out.

<<< then i was slowly strained inside, my chest was strained, my legs and arms. it was an annoying numbness inside my body, annoying numbness on my chest. it was as if it was about to shrink. or probably explode. it was as if i was having an attack. i couldnt say i panicked. maybe i was. am i just tired? emotionally stressed? the water didnt helped me. i am also wondering if that could be the result of the bottle of robitussin ive been taken in while im suspecting myself having an asthma. could be. i thought id die. it scared the hell out of me. i tried to relax and calm myself. breathed. the strain last in less than 30 minutes. >>>

i hope ill be able to tell you tomorrow, if youre not busy. if you laugh and think im crazy, then maybe youre right. im crazy, you made me crazy. but at least im strong. telling you about how i feel for you. no matter what your reactions might be. i am not afraid. if i dont tell you how i feel then you'll never know.

i dont know much about you but i adore you anyway.

so there are a lot of times that i wanted to have more time for my bass playing or other things of my concern. but i end up just lying in bed most of the time sleeping. i know it is because of my temporary sanctuary itself. i dont like it. and i have no interest in making it nicer. this is not my home. this is just my sleeping quarter, storage of all my personal belongings.

am i just lazy or am i simply losing interest?

there are some things you dont want to share because youre probably guilty or youre just tired of talking shit. i suggest, your answer should be A.

Kapuy!!!!

friday the 13th. i am really bored. getting out of the 6-year-relationship is pretty much tiring. i got used to a lot of things with him. and there's someone i really like and didnt workedout. and now, here i am staring at these Arial fonts, wondering if something or someone out there will come to save me from wallowing with Machine Head lyrics. the songs' been going on around my head, circling and circling. i feel dizzy and hungry. and this sour stomach im having right now's bugging me. i can't even drink! dammit.

so, ill sign off for now. im dying to have a long vacation. disappear into oblivion for a week. maybe i'll find peace after that.