Hemorrhage

i cant control my anger sometimes.

i was surprised when i knew he's here. it's okay if he wants to see me becos i will see him, sometimes. and i tried not to ask the stupid question again, but i did anyway becos i cant stand the thought of it that he's seeing me for what reason! but i wont beg anymore. i wont dream. i wont hope. i tried to build a wall so he cant climb over to fetch me, to pull me up to his side, to be with him again knowing that i dont know him anymore, knowing that i dont want to know what he's thinking, what he's planning.

if he wants me, he should win me back. i think i am also afraid to take another new person in my life. but it will be worth a try.

will be 12noon to 9pm starting this wednesday. yes of course this is very much favoured by most of my officemates and myself. and i dont have to worry about how hot my boarding room is anymore especially at these times. this is probly a perfect schedule for me. when i drink after work, i still have time to deal some hangovers in the morning if i drink too much. and 12noon isnt a bad time going to work.

and yep, i'll probly have time going back in either of the band i belonged to, if the position's open.

this is me at PODD's Halloween Party last October 28. I cant believe i was not even drunk!!

i live a very boring life now. daily routine: office, home, office, home. when im in the office, sometimes i have nothing to do, super idle, few times fell asleep in my cube, and a very few times pressured. when im in the house, i would sleep from midmorning to midnoon. the rest of the afternoon i would just lie in bed either playing a guitar or reading a book which i doubt if i can finish. i could listen to one song all day. i still remember the song, it is from Thousand Foot Krutch, I CLIMB. oh and i just love how the refrain part went. . . i climb so high, it blows me away sometimes. . . see through my holes into this place i call my own . . .

i have nothing to look forward to, now that i am alone. i dont have future plans anymore becos it is very depressing.