Hemorrhage

it's depressing.
it's been raining for two days now.
the night air is cold.
rain prickling through my windows.
the bed is almost freezing.
it gets too lonely tonight.

wihthout you..

damn.

dont you ever cry when you get drunk.

i didnt know.
that you were crying for me.

if only i knew then.

i love cooking. it's not my hobby though but i only love it when i was cooking with danny. we didnt cook from recipe books. we were experimental kind of cooks. i thought we would make a good couple. we were more like homebuddies. the ones that just stayed home playing guitar and singing over played music lists. the ones that enjoyed watching war movies, and drinking until friends go home haggard or pass out on the floor. i enjoyed it. i missed it.

***

i miss late night one-on-one drinking with chester. that was such a long time ago but im missing it. we had very deep conversations that i never had with anybody else but him only. we talked about anything under the rain. we share every last cigarette we had. he had dreams about me. he wrote poetries about me. and he had a big fat journal. i can still remember some of his doodles. i can still remember him playing drums barefoot.

***

i am not ashamed when i told cheeky boy i missed him. why not? he made me laugh all the time. i never thought we would end up close friends because he was an annoying person. he was the one that made me wanna leave short replies on YM like "brb". but will never really get back to him. just a way of ditching him. but that was before. while im not a big fan of chatting over YM, i suddenly found myself enjoying the chat with him. then we began seeing each other again and enjoyed drinking with him for a few months until his girlfriend came back from outerspace. then we're not that kind of friends anymore now. i wonder what he's like as a boyfriend even if we dont share a lot of interests. but he surprises me. i wonder if he also misses me. or was i just his pasttime.

***

home. i miss breakfasts. i miss cooking for breakfasts. i miss hot chocolate with milk. i miss cooking my fried rice. but home's crowded now. i dont even have my room anymore. i only sleep in the sala when i go home sometimes on weekends and holidays. i usually hate going home but now, i miss everything i dont like there. but i think we're okay. we are an open-minded family but we're not the affectionate kind. but theyre my family no matter what. oh how i wanted to have a home of my own.

***

why does it made me miss someone and some things when i knew theyre not long-lasting? where the hell are they now? gone are the days. sigh.

oh fuck. this is my longest blog entry ever. i miss blogging! im missing it a lot! 8-X

4. who makes you smile no matter what?
Richard Cheese' Man In The Box version

5. name one food you will never try.
lansiao

6. ever have a one night stand?
hahaha

7. what did you get for your birthday?
flowers. :s

8. 3 things that used to mean everything to you but now seem insignificant?
marriage, religion, promises

9. 3 things that used to seem insignificant to you but now mean everything?
internet, cellphone, si..

10. labor day weekend plans?
i dont plan.

11. What were you doing last night at midnight?
i was probably sleeping :D

12. Is marriage in your future?
maybe. just for the sake.

13. Do you want to have kids?
two.

14. Do you have any odd habits?
of course

15. what about your past would you change them?
i cant.

16. What is the most important aspect in a relationship?
trust

17. Has anyone ever given you flowers?
yes, from my punyetas. dont send me flowers anymore bai.

18. 3 goals for the next 5 years?
drink coffee or beer, die happy, reincarnate.

19. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Pina.

20. have you enjoyed your summer?
not yet.

21. What do you like most about your body?
syataaaaap!!!

22. What do you like least about your body?
my beer belly.

23. Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?
my mom says im papa's girl. :s

24. Would you ever dye your hair red?
yey!

25. Are you obsessed with shiny things?
like what?

26. What do you normally wear to bed?
undies

27. do you have a good imagination?
theyre all blurry.

28. how much money is in your bank account?
P87.00

29. When things bother you, do you dwell on it or move on?
depends.

30. Who is the first person you'd call when things go wrong for you?
things like what?

31. Have you ever partied until the next morning?
yep

32. Do you know what you're doing two days from now?
no

33. What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?
the overall impact. lol

34. What do you have handy at your bedside?
wrong question. tsk.

35. what was the last thing you bought?
palabok sa jolibee.

36. what was the last gift you got?
2GB RAM for my laptop.

37. what did you do on your parent's last anniversary?
we didnt do anything about it.

38. are you a giver or a taker?
both

39. are you a patient person?
i can be patient for 10 minutes. :-)

40. do you have any pets?
no

41. do you have any hobbies?
alangan!

42. what's one thing about your personality that makes you happy?
buang mani nga question! !@#$%^&*

43. whats one thing about your personality that bothers you?
im lazy. and judgmental, hihi

44. what's bothering you right now?
secret.

45. who's always there for you?
headphones.

i recovered three of my old blogs in 20six! im sooo happy! ive set them all in private!
memories.. memories.. my treasured memories!

www.20six.co.uk/sunburn
www.20six.co.uk/stitches
www.20six.de/annarki